What My Mother Never Told Me
by itsourinsidejoke
Summary: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see the child that brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.
1. Prelogue

**I don't own Castle.**

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><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see the child that brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

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><p><em>Prelude<em>

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><p>"Momma!"<p>

Kate Beckett looked up from the novel she was reading to peek through her bedroom door. A little girl of just five years old ran through the open door. A special smile was reserved for this little girl. Said smile appeared on Kate's face as the girl tumbled toward the bed.

Bending down, Kate tucked her hands under the girl's armpits and swung her daughter up onto her lap. The girl climbed over Kate's legs and under the cover. Snuggling into her side, Kate leaned over to kiss her head.

"Anna," she said as a way of greeting her.

Anna grinned up at her mother. "Momma, guess what?" Kate's eyes widened and the smile made a dramatic reappearance. Speaking of appearances, Kate thought, shifting her eyes just a bit to see her husband leaning up against the doorframe, arms crossed, staring lovingly at the scene.

"What?"

"Daddy took me to the M&M store after school today!" she looked absolutely sparkling. Kate took in the young girl's features through the colored candy adventure. She had hazel eyes that matched Kate's to a tee. Her hair was brown but had a strong hint of red – next to her sister, their hair sometimes matched. She had a cute button nose and pouty, red lips. Her cheeks always had a tint of pink. She was thin and small for her age but her energy and quick-wit made up for her lack of strength.

"… We brought you some, Momma!" she finished and looked over to her father. "Daddy, where is the bag?" Kate looked at her husband, her smile softening. On cue, he lifted his eyebrows and theatrically pulled the bag out of his jacket pocket.

The little girl giggled at the bag of red M&M candies.

"You want some, Momma?" Anna asked.

Kate nodded as her husband walked slowly to them. He leaned over her, holding the bag up high – too high for Anna – and kissed Kate gingerly on the corner of the mouth. Kate smiled at his soft lips and felt her heart pick up speed.

Anna made a "yuck!" sound and tried to reach for the bag. "Daddy!" she whined. "Give me the bag, please! Daddy!"

He chucked against Kate's lips and they both looked at Anna. She could feel his hair brush up against her forehead, the heat of his neck piercing the air between them.

She pouted, her eyes reaching Kate's. That pout always got her – her legs turned to jelly, her heart melted, and Kate became a total softie. "Daddy's a meanie, isn't he?" She nodded quickly, her pig tails bobbing.

She looked at him. "Ricky, are you being mean?" she asked, her voice high pitch. Then she grabbed onto his jacket and pulled him onto the middle of the bed. He laughed out loud as he bounced on the mattress, still holding the candies hostage, and Anna jumped out from under the cover, shrieking.

In just thirty seconds, Anna was jumping on the bed while Kate and Rick were in a weird wrestling-tickling match. Finally, Rick called, "Apples!" and tossed the bag to Anna, who caught it swiftly out of the air. She did a small victory dance as Kate laid her head on Rick's chest and watched her.

He ran a hand up her back and all Kate's hairs stood on end. Even after so many years together, he still had the ability to make her shiver. Sometimes, she was still star struck by him. It was the classic 21st-century love story: girl loves celebrity; girl meets celebrity; celebrity follows girl; celebrity saves girl; girl and celebrity get married. And sometimes, girl can't believe celebrity saw anything in her.

Anna popped an M&M in her mouth before she sat back down. Kate held her hand up for a high five and Rick groaned. She pushed up on her right palm to look down at him. "What?" she asked, before putting a few candies in her mouth.

"You two always gang up on me," he pouted. "It's totally unfair."

She rolled her eyes and sat up, returning to her original position by her daughter. "That's because girl's rule and boys drool, right, Anna?" she said and looked at her daughter. She nodded, smiling. Chocolate rimmed the corner of her lips.

Kate laughed and Rick grimaced.

Rick rested his head in the palm of right hand and lay on his side, smiling, while watching as Kate and Anna finished off the last of the candies. There hadn't been many in the bag – which was just fine, in Kate's opinion considering candy was the last thing Anna needed before bed – but the little girl looked slightly disappointed that their treat was gone.

"Are you still hungry, Anna?" Kate asked. "Because, listen-" she held up her hand near her ear, "I hear a sandwich calling your name."

* * *

><p>A sandwich, bath, good hair brushing, and tickling match later, Anna Castle was under the princess-themed comforter and her bright green room. Kate was sitting next to her, next to a stack of books. "What will it be this week, Anna? Harry Potter? Alex Cross? One of Daddy's? Or something new?"<p>

Anna looked up at Kate, weighing her options.

"Can I hear a different story, instead, Momma?" she asked.

Kate gave her daughter a look and smiled. "Sure, babe," she replaced the copy of _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_ back onto the nightstand. She placed her hands in her lap. "What story would you like to hear?"

"Well," Anna looked away, "Can you tell me how I was born?"

Kate felt her neck get warm with the question. Was her daughter seriously, at five years old, asking her about sex? She pursed her lips. She and Rick decided to never lie to their daughter – just like Rick had with Alexis – but how was she supposed to word such an … inappropriate response?

"I mean," Anna said a second later, "Like, when I was in Momma's tummy … what happened?"

Oh.

"Oh," Kate voiced. Then, she smiled leaning down to rub noses with her daughter. "Sure, baby, that sounds like a great idea. Are you sure you can stay awake for the whole thing?" Her daughter nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay … well, it all started when I ran down to see Aunt Lanie at work …"

* * *

><p><strong>A.N. <strong>

**So, this is the first chapter in my first story here on Fanfiction! I hope it entertained! I know there are probably a lot of stories like this but I decided to add to the light, fluffy stories compared to the dark (BUT AWESOME!) season finale we have been left to ponder/mourn over. Review if you would like! :)**

**Until next Wednesday,  
>Lizzy<strong>


	2. He Said, She Said

**I don't own Castle.**

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><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

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><p><em>Chapter 1 – He Said, She Said<em>

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><p>Esposito leaned back in his chair, putting his cell phone up against his ear. He took a glance to his partner who was also staring at the figure disappearing into the restroom. "Hey, babe," came the sweet voice of Lanie Perish, his hot medical examiner fiancé.<p>

"Hola, chica," he replied easily. "Are you almost on lunch break?"

There was a hum from the other side of the phone. He could picture her smirking. "Maybe. Why? Are you _planning_ something?" Even after almost three years of dating and a year of engagement, the sound of her _seductive_ voice still made him shiver.

Kevin coughed and gave his partner a look.

Esposito cleared his throat. "Ah, no, not today," he replied, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Was it sad that Ryan listened to enough of Lanie/Esposito sexual innuendos over the phone to know when the conversation turned dirty? "Actually, I have a different request. We just got back from a drop and Beckett, Ryan, and I were talking when all of a sudden she turned white, whirled around, and booked it to the restroom. We'd go in there …"

"I'll be right there."

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><p>Kate wiped the bile from her lips and spit into the toilet. She flushed just in time to hear the door slam open and a pair of familiar heels clicking to her stall.<p>

"Kate!" Lanie called, knocking on the door. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she unlatched the door and Lanie squatted down beside her. "Sweetie, what's wrong?" The stench of vomit, sweat, and tears must have been revolting, Kate thought, but Lanie held her composure. She really didn't expect anything less from the woman who operated on dead bodies for a living.

"Lanie," she replied bluntly, "I think I may be pregnant."

Her friend glanced down at her stomach, as if it would suddenly be protruding with child. Kate lowered her eyes to a look that she normally gave Castle. "… Pregnant?" Lanie asked, looking back up at Kate's face.

She laughed darkly. "Yeah, pregnant. Bun in the oven? Knocked up? With child?" She could feel her emotions skyrocketing. She felt like crying. She felt like punching a wall. "Lanie…"

"Ho_ney_," Lanie said, and pulled her into a tight embrace. "I know being a mother isn't something you exactly wanted …"

She scoffed into Lanie's blouse. "'Not exactly' is an understatement."

"_But_," Lanie continued, "maybe this will be good for you. You told me that you didn't want kids because you were afraid that something would happen to you and they'd have to go through what you did with your mother." Kate could feel her eyes watering, thinking about her poor, unborn child and the possibility of the lonely life that child might leave. "However, you have Castle. He'll keep you safe and, if something horrible did happen, that child would not grow up unloved."

Kate sniffed and looked up into Lanie's dark eyes, seeking truth. She found confusion, hesitation, and just a hint of excitement. Excitement? Kate smiled the smallest of smiles. "I know that your dad went through a hard time when your mother died, Kate. I remember the calls. But know this – Castle is different than your father. Your father is a good man but he doesn't understand death the way Castle understands death. If something were to happen to you, Castle would fall apart, but he wouldn't in front of your child." She smiled. "Okay?"

Kate nodded.

The bathroom door opened and Kate wiped the tears off her cheeks. No one had seen her cry at the Precinct. And she was determined – baby or not – to keep it that way. Karpowski appeared in front of the stall and gave the girls a look.

"Uh, bonding moment?" she asked, giving them a look.

Lanie and Kate laughed, trying to make the proceeding conversation a little less awkward. "Somewhat," Kate asked. "Tough case, you know?" She shrugged it off.

Karpowski nodded, like she believed _that_ obvious lie, and walked to the stall over. Lanie and Kate stood, looked at each other and smiled, and Kate walked to the sink to wash her hands and rinse out her mouth.

They walked arm in arm back out to the Precinct.

"When are you going to tell Castle?" Lanie asked.

"Probably when he gets home tonight from California," she replied. The boys both stood up from their desks, the thinnest veil of composure quickly cracking on their face. The girls said goodbye before Kate approached the boys. "What?" she asked, giving them a look.

They shook their heads and grumbled, getting back to their paperwork.

Kate sighed and looked up at their murder board. Jennifer Rawley – blond, brown eyes, 35 years old, a yoga instructor at a local gym in Manhattan – was found with her neck snapped, turned almost 180 degrees, and all her limbs broken.

If Castle were here, it would pretty ironic, she thought, smirking.

"Who has died today and was it better or worse than the Jackson case last week?" a voice boomed across the Precinct. Kate turned to see Rick coming toward them, two coffee cups in hand as he extended his arms in an awkward victory pose.

She rolled her eyes, shook her head, and looked back at the board.

"I'd say it's about the same," Esposito shrugged as Rick set Kate's cup on her desk.

Ryan nodded, "Yeah, instead of face eaten off, she's been twisted all the way around – and she's yoga instructor."

Kate could just feel Castle grinning behind her. "Guess she wasn't as flexible as everyone thought," Rick commented. She could feel his lips pursing in amusement. "An ironic way to die, to say the least."

She rolled her eyes again, thinking: _What a surprise_.

He came up to sit by her; far enough away to be appropriate in a public place but close enough so she could feel the heat of his thigh.

The contact reminded her of the small … announcement she had to tell him later. Suddenly, she felt like throwing up again. However, running back into the bathroom would make her possible-but-most-likely-pregnancy completely obvious to everyone who watched her run out the first time. Besides, the last thing she needed was Castle running after her.

Gates would have his head for sure.

So she swallowed heavily and turned her head to see his eyes.

"Hey, Castle," she greeted. She turned around and reached for her coffee. Taking a sip, she looked at him. "How are you?"

"Well, my dearest detective," he started. Esposito and Ryan made gagging noises from behind them. He smiled at her and the corners of her lips turned upward in response. At work, she always tried to be professional. Rick, on the other hand, did not.

He sat too close to her.

He touched her stuff too much.

He made too many sexual innuendos.

Too many of them were true.

Beckett hardly ever did anything like this. Really. It only happened twice, tops. Though, there was only one time, in the break room, just a few days after their honeymoon, that Kate had him cornered.

* * *

><p><em>"<em>Beckett_," he said, emphasizing her name. "We are in the Precinct."_

_She nodded, lowering her eyes. "I know," she replied simply, locking the door behind her. She walked to the windows that looked into the room and gently shut them all. Then, she locked the other door. All the while, Rick was backing into a corner, holding his hands up in defense._

_She started towards him, her eyes hungry, lustful. She looked at him, much like she had the first week after they'd had sex for the first time._

_She could hear him gasp for breath._

_Her hands reached the buttons on her collared shirt. Slowly, she began unbuttoning, but just until a hint of her red bra was exposed. He licked his lips. Her hand slowly came up to touch his chest. She pressed him backward._

_"Not 'Beckett'," she whispered, "_Kate_."_

_Then his lips were on hers._

_She moaned into his mouth and his hands gripped her hair. She was happy she decided to grow out her hair long after he went out with Bachelorette #3 from so long ago. Glancing at that damn picture, she had gone home to stare into her mirror, pulling at her hair. No matter what she said about him, she wanted to impress him – she was a fan of his, after all. A big fan. _

_He loved her short hair but long hair gave him something to hold onto._

_Tongues clashed and before she knew it, her hand was up his shirt and her jacket was on the floor. Am I seriously doing this? She thought before dismissing the thought. Who cares?_

_"Kate," he moaned as she bit his lip. "Kate, we have to stop."_

_She shook her head but knew this make-out session needed to come to an end if Captain Victoria Gates was ever going to let Castle continue working with her and her colleagues. The captain hardly liked Castle's presence at all … but tolerated him because of a case he helped with a while back._

_Finally, she pulled away, leaving him breathless. He sighed and untangled his hands from her hair. He ran his fingers through it, laughing, while following her as she went to unlock the doors. "Sorry, Beckett," he said, back on 'work-mode.'_

_She turned around, stopping him._

_Her hair fell flawlessly. No one would know they were even making out back here. She reached up and smoothed his hair back down. Then she licked her finger and started to wipe her lipstick off his face. "Ew, gross!" he spat. He swatted her hands away._

_"What?" she said, eyes wide, looking at him like he was childless._

_"Don't groom me like a monkey!" he laughed, walking over to the coffee counter. He grabbed a paper towel, and wiped. She rolled her eyes and picked up her jacket._

_"It's not I haven't licked you before, Castle," she said, sliding her arms down the sleeves._

_He groaned. "You are going to have to stop with those kind of statements, _Kate_," he replied grabbing her waist, then whispered, "if you don't want to get caught having sex in the break room."_

* * *

><p>"My trip to California to the set was fantastic," he said, grinning at her. "We've got another blockbuster on our hands." He looked smug.<p>

She blinked.

_Heat Wave_ had embraced the big screen to become a blockbuster, one of the top rated thrillers of 2012. Natalie Rhodes had swept the MTV Movie Awards that year. Now, two years later, they were just finishing the filming _Naked Heat_ and Rick had spent a lot of time in California, consulting and helping with Natalie's perception of Nikki Heat.

She shook her head. "Well, don't get too full of yourself, Castle," she remarked, looking back at her murder board. "More often than not, sequels are a complete flop. Just look at the sequels for _A Christmas Story_, _Gone With the Wind_, _Mulan_? Their sequels are almost non-existent."

Castle scoffed.

Kate heard Esposito whisper to Ryan, "There's a sequel to _Mulan_?"

"But some sequels are more epic than the first. _Iron Man_? _Harry Potter_? _Toy Story_? Come on, Beckett, _Naked Heat_ is destined to be hotter than the first one."

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye to see him smirking. "Maybe," she replied to him, looking away. "But we'll see, I suppose."

* * *

><p>They took a taxi home that night.<p>

Kate looked out her window and contemplated telling Rick about the pregnancy. She had told him when they got married a year and half ago that she didn't want kids.

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><p><em>"Will you please say something, Rick," she asked, looking up at him from their position on the couch. His arm had gone stiff around her shoulders. The movie that had been playing on the projector was now just a blue screen. It gave everything a magical glow.<em>

_He sighed and turned so he was sitting with his legs crossed on the couch. She mimicked his movements. He stared into her eyes. Like all the other times this happen, she hardly had a way of breaking his gaze. His blue eyes were so deep and full of so much emotion, so much love …_

_"Are you sure?" he asked. "I mean, I know I wouldn't be the youngest dad in the world and I know you'd never give up being a cop. But I could be Mr. Mom again, you know? I loved it the first time around. Little Castle is a pleasure and I'm sure little Beckett would be wonderful as well. We could make it work, Kate." He rested his hands on her shoulders._

_She nodded, feeling her eyes start to shine with his words._

_"I'm sure," she replied quietly. "It has nothing to do with your age, Rick. It has nothing to do with you at all. I don't want a child because with my job, there is always the possibility that I won't come home." He started to protest but she raised her hands to rest on his shoulders._

_"I don't want Esposito or Ryan or anyone else to knock on your door and tell my child that she or he will never see his or her mother again." She smiled and moved her hand to rest on his cheek. "It already kills me to know that it could happen and you, Alexis, Martha, my dad … God, any of you could open that door. I can't do that to anyone else."_

_She wouldn't allow herself to cry. When she was younger, she always pictured herself with the white-picket fence marriage. A normal life with a good husband with a good job, a few kids, a suburban home. And then her mother was murdered._

_Even though the case was closed long ago and the murderer had been put away, the images of the night Officer Jon Raglan knocking on her door haunted her._

_She wouldn't do that to her children._

_He nodded. "Okay," he replied, lowering his eyes to his lap. "If that's what you want, Kate, I will follow your wishes."_

_Weren't they supposed to fight? She wondered. Wasn't he supposed to yell at her, telling her that having kids was the next step? Wasn't he supposed to call her 'scared'? Wasn't he supposed to storm off, telling her that she was wrong?_

_Any of her old boyfriends would have done that. Though the relationship with Rick was completely different than past relationships, there were some things that were the same. Rick was a man. He liked sex. He liked holding her hand. He liked to go on dates._

_But he was proving once again why he was better than any of the other guys._

_He didn't leave._

_He didn't leave when they would fight._

_He didn't fight when he knew it would crush her._

_He knew what crushed her._

* * *

><p>"What is it about the refrigerator?" Rick asked, sneaking up behind her. He snaked his arms around her waist and leaned his head on her shoulder. She leaned back to rest her head on his chest. "Is it the cold, the light or the combination of the two?"<p>

She rolled her eyes.

"It's the food," she replied shortly.

"Ah," he replied, "midnight snack." He started to kiss up her neck. She was about to respond but the feel of his lips was so nice. _She_ literally wanted _food_. _He_ wanted a _snack_. She turned around in his arms. She leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

"I'm starving, Castle," she told him.

"Me too," he replied. She raised her eyebrows. His eyes widened and he let go of her, flabbergasted. "Whoa, get your mind out of the gutter, Beckett," he said innocently. "What sounds good?" Nothing, she thought, everything.

He walked over to the stove.

"Pancakes," she said, hopping on a barstool. He laughed and rushed to get the materials he needed. Kate considered him. Richard Castle was making pancakes for her. Star struck, again, she thought, watching him work.

She rested her chin on her hand.

God, she thought, I'm pregnant with Richard Castle's baby. Her eyes widened then and she looked at Rick's back as he cooked. "Hey, Rick," she said as normally as she could. It came out like a strangled whisper. "I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

He glanced at her replying with a "'Kay."

She took off towards the office. Bolting through the door, she held the doorframe to whirl directly right and into the bathroom. She kneeled in front of the toilet just in time. Tears escaped from her eyes as she relieved herself.

She had only eaten a handful of peanuts and an apple because of her upset stomach and it all came back up violently. Flushing, she stood up and turned around, staring at herself in one of the 'his-and-her' mirrors. She looked ghostly pale and sweaty, with tears running down her cheeks.

She looked disgusting. She brushed her teeth, splashed her face with water, trying to rid the image of post-puking.

Walking back into the kitchen, Castle didn't notice anything amiss about her. If he did, she couldn't tell. "Detective," he greeted, setting a stack of blueberry pancakes in front of her. She smiled a bit. She hadn't even asked for blueberries.

They were her favorite.

"Thanks, Rick," she replied gently. She looked up at him and leaned over the counter, placing a small kiss to the corner of his mouth. He smiled against her lips. "I love you," he said quietly.

She sat back and started cutting into her pancakes.

"I love you too," she replied, smiling.

As he turned around to start cleaning the kitchen, her smile fell. How was she going to tell him? She knew he would not leave – he'd probably be ecstatic – but she didn't even know how to begin.

It was times like these when Kate wished her mom was still alive. When Rick told her that he loved her when they hadn't even started dating yet, she wanted to ask her mom what she should do. At her wedding, Kate wanted to ask if she was should look into a mermaid cut or emperor waist wedding gown.

Now, she wanted to ask how to tell Rick she was pregnant. How had her mother told her father that she was pregnant? And her mom wasn't here to share.

"You okay, Kate?" Rick asked, putting the last of the dishes in the dishwasher.

She looked up from her fork that had the sticky cake sliding off of it slowly.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine," she lied, smiling sheepishly. "I guess I'm just tired."

He nodded. "It's been a long day, for the both of us. Why don't we just go to bed?" Kate nodded stood, leaving the plate of pancakes that Alexis would find later, only to roll her eyes and go to bed.

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><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

**Here is chapter two of "What My Mother Never Told Me"!  
><strong>**Next chapter will be A LOT of explanation on what has happened since the season 3 finale in the next chapter. It might be confusing but I hope chapter 3 will clear the air a bit. ****Thanks for all the reviews! :) It was much appreciated. I hope to hear from more readers!**

**Until next Wednesday,  
><strong>**Lizzy**


	3. Little Girl Lost

**I don't own Castle.**

* * *

><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 2 – Little Girl Lost<em>

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><p>It was still night outside, when Kate's eyes snapped open. She swallowed roughly, carefully untangled herself from Castle's arms and bolted to the bathroom. She didn't even have time to flip on the lights before she was puking in the toilet.<p>

She moaned quietly. Yep, she thought, I am definitely pregnant.

She heard a rustling from outside in the room. Please don't wake up, she prayed silently. She still didn't know how she was going to tell him. She knew that he was going to be thrilled. So, why was she still so afraid?

Before she had a chance to think it over, she was leaning over the toilet again, puking the two bites of pancakes she had the night before.

* * *

><p><em>After Kate was shot at former-Captain Roy Montgomery's funeral, she was rushed to the hospital. In surgery, she learned that her heart stopped four times. She barely survived.<em>

_From Lanie, she also heard Rick and Josh got into a screaming match in the middle of the waiting room. Josh had come onto Castle, yelling at him, blaming him for Kate's near death-experience. _

_He roughly pushed her partner._

_Josh told her after she woke that he wanted to apologize. She told him to leave and never come back. Josh didn't have any right to scream at the man who saved her life. The bullet was aimed for her heart; it had hit her in the lower torso. Castle – Rick – had saved her._

* * *

><p>She felt a warm hand on her shoulder. "Kate?" a sleepy voice asked.<p>

She looked up from the toilet. Castle was kneeling behind her. Sleep was still evident in his eyes; he looked like he had literally fallen off the bed and crawled into the bathroom to find out what that nasty gagging sound was.

She gave him a small smile. He blinked heavily.

"What's wrong?" he asked, almost nodding off awaiting her response.

She shook her head. "I think I'm catching the flu or something. Don't worry about it, Castle." She rested a hand on his shoulder. "I feel better now, actually. I'm going to brush my teeth. Go back to bed." He grumbled protests as he walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Kate rolled her eyes and carefully stood up.

The nausea paused for the time being. If you really are down there, she thought to her stomach, please let me get through today before I drop the bomb on Rick. Just today.

* * *

><p><em>Captain Victoria Gates threw Castle out of the Twelfth. She told him that his presence wasn't necessary – it made the station look bad, having a writer there "helping" them with cases.<em>

_Beckett advocated for him._

_Gates told her to get out and do her job. Or, if Beckett wanted to work with him so bad, she could be relieved of her duties as well. Castle had stood up at that point, told Kate goodbye, and left the Precinct._

* * *

><p>At breakfast the next morning, Kate was listening to Alexis tell her about her Social Psychology class she had just started taking at the beginning of the semester. Alexis was a sophomore at the NYU's Arts and Science school, studying to get a degree in General Psychology and then to continue in her school to earn her doctorate in Forensic Psychology.<p>

She wanted to work in the courts.

Once, she told Kate, she only got interested in it because of Johanna Beckett.

Alexis was in the middle of telling Kate about a really cute boy in her class, Eric, who was going into a similar field as the sophomore in college, when Rick came waltzing in, announcing him that he would not be joining Kate to the Precinct this morning.

Alexis narrowed her eyes at her father. "You're cramming for a manuscript again, aren't you?" Rick gave her a guilty smile, grabbing an apple off the counter. Kate put her hand in front of her mouth to hide her smile. You would think with all the _inspiration_ Kate gave, Rick would never be late for a manuscript … he still was … _because_ of his inspiration.

Alexis rolled her eyes. "This is why I'm not going to be a writer," she said, grabbing her books. "If I have just an ounce of my father's talents, I'd be wildly successful but I'd never get any work done." She patted Kate's hand and gave her father a kiss. "See you guys."

Before Rick had a chance to respond, his daughter was out the door.

Kate laughed. "She's a pro," she commented, grabbing her own bag and giving Rick a kiss. "See you tonight?" she asked. He pouted.

"Sooner than that if I can get this damn book finished."

She glared. "Hey, that's my alter ego you're talking about."

* * *

><p><em>Months passed. At every new case, Beckett would call Castle with details. She'd make copies of the files and take them to his place. They would sit at his coffee table for hours, studying the cases. Kate would stay in their guest room so often that had to start leaving clothes there.<em>

_Their friendship hadn't changed._

_Even after Castle's confession – which Kate remembered vividly from the day she was shot – and after Josh was out of the picture an invisible force was holding them back from each other. They'd share looks, innuendos, and words but nothing ever came from it._

_It was at Jenny and Ryan's wedding in late November of that year, Rick and Kate danced together, truly, for the first time. They had talked about the shot; the fight with Josh; the kiss; the freezer. They talked about it all. And when everything was said, being together seemed like the only option._

_They went slow in their relationship – almost, uncomfortably slow. Rick took her out to dinner at Remy's once or twice … they went Q3, almost as a request of Madison than anything else. They didn't hold hands or kiss._

_Neither one of them seemed to know when to break the tension._

* * *

><p>Kate tried to come up with a mental timeline.<p>

She and Rick had only been married eight months. They were still newlyweds … with the territory, came lots of sex. Trying to narrow down to one specific time was going to be impossible. Kate puffed out her cheeks as she walked.

She thought about when her last period was. She could remember the exact date. She had ended the day before Rick's sixth Nikki Heat book, _Heat Exhaustion_, was released on the 21st of September.

It had been a magical night after that party. Alexis was staying at the school to cram for her first set of exams for college and Martha had gone out with friends after the party. The entire house had been Rick and Kate's.

She remembered waking up on the living room floor around four that morning, looking over to her husband, glad that she didn't have to worry about another period for another six months because of her birth control. The moment had ended, however, ten minutes later, when Esposito called with a dropped body.

As she walked into a drug store a few blocks away from the Precinct, she realized that she also hadn't taken her pill when that magical night occurred. She had run out a couple days before, because it was a Saturday, she decided to wait until Monday to get the prescription refilled.

Oh, God, she thought.

Quickly, she ran through the aisles until she was standing in front of condoms and pregnancy tests. She looked over to a young girl of about sixteen, looking at them too. Kate wanted to judge the girl but she really was in no position to. She hadn't wanted a baby either … but managed to get pregnant too. They shared a look.

She grabbed a generic brand, paid the cashier without looking at his disappointed eyes, and then booked it to a bathroom. Following the instructions, she leaned over the sink, waiting until the stick deemed her a positive sign.

Oh, God, she thought again.

* * *

><p><em>Finally, the Bridget O' Brien case had changed everything for them. Detective Bridget O' Brien, a close friend and classmate of Captain Victoria Gates, had been found murdered in an alleyway just a few blocks from her house. Someone slit her throat and marked her with a number "1" on her forehead.<em>

_It was first suspected that Ewan McPhee – a dangerous criminal who had just been released for 'good behavior' – had killed her but he had a solid alibi … he was at a parole meeting and the officer there swore that he was at the meeting way past the time the 911 call to the alley._

_Their next suspect was her partner, Jude Collins. They learned that Bridget O' Brien was in a sexual relationship with his wife, Addison. Jude confronted O'Brien once about it and she had denied the whole relationship. However, it was only two days before her death that Jude caught her and his wife in their bedroom. _

_O' Brien's last call on her cell phone was to the Collins house and when they found out that Collins had requested a new partner, was filing for divorce, and was perched at a local bar, drowning his sorrows until early in the morning, the suspension was turned to the wife._

_They learned that Bridget wanted to come clean about the relationship to her partner, but Addison refused. Before Beckett could make an arrest or even bring her in for questioning, the Collins' lawyer dropped that Addison was at her job until after the kill zone with a video to prove it._

_Back to square one, Castle and Beckett spent two whole nights on his couch, staring up at his projector screen, trying to piece the puzzle together. Finally, around 11 o' clock the next night, Castle stood up and pointed to one of O' Brien's friends at her job._

_The man was Detective Blake Darcy. They had brought him in for questioning because a conviction – an assault of a former girlfriend – popped. At the time, he had a strong alibi. But Rick spun a story._

_It wasn't a twisted murder. It was a classic. Darcy murdered O' Brien out of revenge. They learned from the captain that Blake Darcy had always been a little of a sexist – he had grown up in an abusive home where his father had beaten his mother and had inherited some of the traits. Bridget and Victoria had been the only girls in their particular class. Darcy and some of his friends would pull pranks, lie about class times, and even threaten them when they were super drunk._

_From the crazy theory, they looked deeper into Bridget's successes as a detective. She graduated on the top of their class. She was senior detective at their particular Precinct. And she had just been promoted to captain._

_It had become too much for Darcy to bear._

_He killed her, and marked her with a number "1" on her forehead._

_Bridget wasn't the only person Darcy was planning to murder. _

_The duo had booked it to Victoria Gate's home, not bothering to double-check his alibi or call for a warrant. When they reached the suburban home, they heard the crying of two young children – her children – and Kate kicked in the door. Darcy had a knife to Gates' throat. _

_Kate talked to Darcy, trying to calm him. Gates wasn't crying but she was scared, mostly for her children. She had Castle shared a short look, communicating with their eyes and he ran to the twin boy and girl, picked them up, and dragged them outside, letting them cry into his t-shirt. He held them tight, whispering to them that everything would be alright; just like he had with Alexis when she woke up from nightmares._

_When calming Darcy down hadn't worked, Kate tried to egg him on, give up his hand. Finally, he got so angry that he threw Gates to the ground and went to grab a gun out his coat. Kate shot him in the chest without even blinking._

_That night, Castle and Beckett stumbled back to his home, ripping each other's clothes off in the hallway. A soon as his front door was closed, she was pushed up against it, until her legs wrapped around his waist. He whispered about how worried he was about her when she faced Darcy alone. He didn't want her to be alone._

_She told him that she was through tip-toeing._

_He told her that she could die any day he could never ask her to give up being a cop – but he could kiss her, make love to her, love her, like she could disappear at any second._

* * *

><p>Instead of going into the Twelfth, she went to the medical examiner's office. Lanie was there early, doing paperwork. Beckett didn't knock; she went right on in and set down a baggie with the pregnancy test in it on her desk.<p>

Lanie looked up at her, then back down to the test.

She read the sign, and her face morphed into a huge grin. She looked up ate Kate. Kate broke eye contact, smiling guiltily. Lanie pushed herself away from her desk, and came around the corner and wrap her into a huge hug. Kate stood stiff.

"Congrats, girl!" she said and leaned away, looking at her. "Are you okay?"

Beckett nodded, overcome with emotion. "Yeah," she replied, "I'm just going to go … throw up now."

* * *

><p><em>Everything became easy after that. <em>

_Victoria Gates allowed Castle to shadow Detective Beckett once again. She told him it was because she owed him. Gates hadn't cared about her own life only the lives of her children. By protecting her children, Castle redeemed himself. _

_He told Gates he would have done it regardless of being allowed in the precinct._

_Gates told him she already knew._

_Despite their efforts, the press got ahold of the story and Kate Beckett and Rick Castle's pictures were plastered on page six of the Ledger. They – _she_ – were tormented at work. He enjoyed every moment of her embarrassment._

_It was only four months after Jenny and Ryan's wedding that Castle proposed to her. It wasn't a grand gesture – he remembered that she didn't particularly care for those. They had taken a weekend trip to the Hamptons to spend an unusually warm weekend away from the city. They had just finished making love, when he leaned over to her and said, "Marry me."_

_She had turned pale and wide-eyed. She tried to protest that it was too soon, that they had only been dating for four months, and that they weren't ready for this step. But before she knew it, Rick was kissing her neck and touching her, she couldn't think straight._

_All protests died at her lips. When he looked at her again, she nodded, whispered, "Okay."_

_They got married on March 29, 2013._

* * *

><p>Beckett, Esposito, and Ryan all rolled up to the scene where they had gotten a distressed call that one of their suspects, Maria Butler, was holding the victim's boyfriend hostage with a gun. Maria was a student of their victim and most likely the person who killed her. The gang was just going to get a warrant to search her apartment when the call came in.<p>

Beckett was outside the apartment when she heard the screaming inside. "Just shut up, David!" a woman's voice screeched. "Jennifer was my friend and you were my boyfriend. Why did you dump me? You even _knew_ I was pregnant with _your_ child?"

"Maria!" Beckett called. The screaming stopped. She opened the door just slightly so she could see inside. The living room was trashed. Books and papers scattered the floor. The window was broken. The couch was turned over.

"Maria," Beckett said a little softer than before. She walked inside to see the woman standing with a gun pointing to David, who was lying beside the door, by Beckett, writhing in pain. He must have tried to escape but got shot in the shoulder before he could.

Maria was shaking. Her short black hair was tossed and not in a stylish way. She literally looked like she rolled out of bed and threw on whatever she could to hold her friend's boyfriend hostage. Her belly was swollen and Beckett could see a strip of bare skin where her shirt couldn't cover. She was trying to raise a baby on her own and she couldn't afford maternity clothes. She had done all she could.

Tears streaked the woman's face. "Go away," she told Kate. Outside, she could hear the boys rallying up the uniforms, ready to make a break in.

"I can't do that, Maria," she said, her gun pointing at the woman's shoulder. "I don't want to hurt you, please, put the gun down."

The woman scoffed and the tip of the gun shook as she cried out, "Why? I'm going to jail, anyway. But he's the one who should suffer!" Her eyes bored onto David. "He screwed my best friend, left me, and then he was planning on purposing to her! Even after he found out I was pregnant!"

Kate sighed and looked at the woman with as much sympathy as she could gather. After all, this woman did break her friend's neck, legs, and arms. She was a monster. But Kate didn't have to tell her that. She already knew.

"I understand," she tried to sound considerate.

Maria glared, the gun wagging in front of her. "How could you understand?" she sneered, chocking a bit on her own words. "You have no idea what I'm going through."

Beckett nodded. "I know I don't, Maria. But I understand why you didn't tell him. You tried to be happy for them, didn't you Maria?" She could see the woman's eyes widen. "You wanted to tell him. You wanted him to come back, be a father, but you were scared. You didn't know what to do, what to say."

The woman's gun dropped just the slightest. Kate held hers steady.

Her eyes locked with Maria's. She felt tears fill her eyes and nausea overtook her senses. She was going to throw up. She had to end this quickly. "I understand," Kate said again, "because I'm pregnant and I don't know how to tell my husband. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. But I will tell you this – you have to do what's best for your child. You are responsible for that life." She paused, taking a deep breath.

Everything was impossibly quiet.

"I don't want to hurt you, Maria. Or your baby. Please, put the gun down."

And Maria did. Shaking, she dropped the gun down to her side. Beckett stepped over David's legs and walked over to the woman, taking the gun out of her hand. Suddenly, the room was full of motion. Paramedics were carrying David out on a stretcher. Esposito was taking the gun out of her hand. Ryan was putting handcuffs on Maria's wrists. All the while, Beckett's eyes remained locked with Maria's.

"What's going to happen with me?" she asked quietly.

Kate shook her head. "I don't know."

Ryan read her rights from behind her, sparing a glance at Beckett. She didn't notice. Beckett blinked and sighed, seeing the streets of Manhattan out the window. She swallowed hard and allowed the nausea to pass. She had had her moment; the moment was over.

She turned around, ready to give out orders. Before she could open her mouth, however, she was stopped cold, her breath short.

Standing four feet from her was Richard Castle.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

**Thank you so much for the reviews for the last chapter! I'm glad you are enjoying the story and I hope you continue reading! :) Is everyone excited? Only a few more weeks till the next season! It's going to be great! :D Please review, if you can!**

**~Lizzy**


	4. A Chill Goes Through Her Veins

**I don't own Castle.**

* * *

><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 3 – A Chill Goes Through Her Veins <em>

* * *

><p>Kate didn't wait for him to respond. She didn't wait for him to stop her. She just walked past him, out of the apartment, down two flights of stairs, and to the chilly October air. She took a deep breath and felt the air burn her throat.<p>

She felt like throwing up.

She felt like crying.

She felt like punching a wall.

Instead, she started walking. She made it around the corner to a dingy alleyway and leaned back up against the brick wall. She raked her hands through her hair in frustration. Why had he come today? He said he had to work! There was no way he would be done on his manuscript already. It took him forever to write! And he had so much work he was going to do…

She felt the crunching of leaves as two heavy footsteps rounded the corner. She looked down at her shoes, the Bronx Women's Gillian boots Rick had got her for Christmas two years before, and then she looked up at him.

His face held a lot of confusion, surprise, a touch of sadness, and just a bit of fear. He approached her like she had some kind of contagious disease. "Kate," Rick said quietly, extending his hands to touch her shoulders. "Can we talk about this?"

She shook her head. "No," she clipped and stepped to swerve around him. He roughly pushed his hands on the brick wall beside her head. She backed up, feeling the cold of the prickly building seeping through her shirt. He gave her a look. One of _those_ looks.

"Why aren't we going to talk about this, Kate?"

She grinded her teeth together. "Castle, we're working, why can't we discuss this later?" she asked him, trying to keep her composure. She wouldn't cry, though she felt the tears coming. He shook his head, his eyes locked onto her. He was serious.

"No, we need to talk about this now, _Kate_," he said quietly.

She put her hands to his chest and pushed him away, anger rising like bile in her throat. "Why aren't you at home, writing, _Rick_?" she asked him, angry. "You were supposed to be writing, not following! There is no way in hell that you are done with that manuscript already."

He scoffed, "Don't change the subject. When did you find out?"

As quickly as the anger came, it dissipated. She just wanted to hug him. She wanted to go home, lie in bed, and sleep with him wrapped around her.

"Yesterday," she replied, looking again at her boots.

He swallowed loudly, and then rested his hands on her arms. He rubbed them gently, up and down. "I thought you were on the pill?" He asked it like a question.

"I ran out just before your book party last month," she whispered her reply. He knew immediately the night she was talking about. He let go of her arms and moved to lean by her on the wall. He sighed heavily, running a hand over his face. She looked at him through the film her hair gave and he looked back down at her.

Then, he smirked. Just the smallest smile started to break out across his serious face. She felt her eyes water and she frowned, trying to blink away the tears. He took his hand into hers. He squeezed it tight, letting her know that she was still alive, she wasn't dreaming. She looked away.

Then, he said, "Kate, we're going to have a baby."

She nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Yep," she replied. "I mean, I only peed on a stick, I don't know if it's official … I just. I'm scared, Rick." She met his eyes again and they were caught in that staring match they always had with each other. When would they break away?

"I know you're scared," he replied. "But I told you once that little Castle was a pleasure and I'm sure that little Beckett would be just as wonderful. I'm ready to dive into this Kate." He paused, reached up and brushed one of the tears away. "Are you?"

* * *

><p>They went to bed that night very early. After processing the charges, Beckett bided the guys – and Captain Gates – adieu and she and Castle took a taxi home. Alexis was out with some friends, probably returning late as she normally was, and, after a brief conversation with Martha, the two were in their room.<p>

"Do you need anything, Kate?" Rick asked, pulling the top comforter down. She helped, throwing off random pillows onto the floor. Rick was the one who insisted on decorative pillows – Kate didn't see the appeal if she just had to throw them on the ground – but he had whined and she had been tired so she let him do whatever he wanted to the room. However, she was the one who had to constantly throw them off the bed _and_ pick them up in the morning. He could be such a little boy sometimes.

She lay down as he went about getting ready for bed. He shed his clothes down to his underwear then pranced off to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He gave her a little smirk at the door and then shut it firmly behind him.

Minutes passed and she stared up at the ceiling, trying to keep her eyes open. It was hard because she felt so damn tired. She pulled up her tank top slightly to feel the smooth skin of her stomach underneath. There was nothing there – like she expected anything – but reassuring herself that there wasn't a massive growth there was somehow comforting.

How was she supposed to go to work in tomorrow with Castle right there, staring at her lovingly with that sick puppy expression? How was she supposed to get any work done with a damn baby causing everyone in her life to either turn into a puddle of goo (Castle, Lanie, the boys, Alexis, her father, Martha) or become so rigid they might turn into stone completely (Captain Gates)?

How would these next nine months shape up?

How was she supposed to catch bad guys when she had a protruding belly? The image of Maria Butler came back into her mind: the mess of her hair, the peeking skin of her stomach, the way her shirt stretched as she wagged the gun … one day, Kate would look similar to that.

"Everything will be fine," she heard a voice say up, a nose pressing up against her temple.

Kate's eyes snapped open – when had she closed them? – and she rolled over to see Rick smiling at her. "I didn't say anything," she said quietly.

He laughed, kissing her jawline. "Yeah," he replied between pecks. "You were not saying anything, very loudly. So loudly, in fact, I'm sure you've woken mother from her beauty sleep." Kate let out a snort and sat up to face him.

They sat face to face, their knees touching with their legs crossed. He rested his two strong hands on her shoulders. "Everything," he said quietly, catching her eyes. "Everything will be fine. I know that this isn't what you necessarily wanted, Kate, but it'll be wonderful. _You_ will be a wonderful. You'll be a wonderful mother."

Before she had a chance to even protest, tears were filling up her eyes at his words. He had called her a mother. _Mother_. She had never thought the word would be applied to her – she was a cop, she was busy, she was hard physically and mentally. A mother was someone soft. Loving. Emotional.

A _mother_.

Katherine Beckett was going to be a mother.

Castle must have noticed the change in her demeanor because one moment he was staring at her with the sincerest expression and the next he looked terrified. "Kate," he said slowly. She felt her face flush, the back of her neck get hot, and she knew what was coming next.

She leaped off the bed – tumbling over Castle in the process – and ran to the bathroom. She barely made it to the toilet until the contents of her stomach left her in a violent manner. "Damn it!" her voice echoed off of the porcelain. "Damn it, damn it …" She felt the hot tears fall from her eyes, as she leaned back.

Castle was at her side just minutes later. He was holding his breath – he had an _acute_ _sense_ _of_ _smell_ after all – as he wrapped an arm around her. "I'm sorry, Kate," he whispered, as she cried into his t-shirt. She let the tears fall, tired of trying to hide her emotions.

As the nausea subsided, Castle picked her up and helped her walk back to the bed. He would have carried her bridal style but he knew if he even thought about it, she would have his head on a platter.

After the obstacle of the pillows on the floor, Kate was tucked into bed. She could hardly keep her eyes to thank him. She didn't even feel his arms slip around her before she was asleep.

* * *

><p>Beckett was sitting at her desk the next morning, her chin resting in her right palm, staring at her computer screen. It had been a slow day today at the precinct. The boys had been crumbling paper into balls and throwing them into their trashcan for hours now. Castle was eating breakfast with Alexis at a local favorite. He wanted her to come too but Captain Gates had been leaning up against the doorframe of her office, staring at them with a cool expression and Beckett opted out. The last thing she needed was to be scolded by her superior.<p>

She was yawning for the second time when a call came. The boys ears perked and they whirled around the face her when she picked up the phone. "Beckett," her voice was full of assertion. She nodded a few times then slammed the phone on the receiver.

"Let's go boys," she said, "Got a body on Broadway and a 110th street."

She grabbed her coat, cell phone, and keys before heading out of the Precinct, the boys hot on her heels. She shot a quick text to Rick, letting him know where they were and not to hurry, and they were off to see a man about a corpse.

* * *

><p>Esposito nearly cheered at the scene.<p>

The body was just a run-in-the-mill pop-and-drop. A young man around Alexis' age, maybe 21 at the latest, took a bullet to the chest. His wallet was missing and his body quickly stuffed in a trash can around an apartment complex.

Nothing freaky about this murder, Kate mused as she leaned over him. He was wearing a short sleeved shirt despite the briskness of the air and she could see injection lines in his arms. "Probably a drug deal gone wrong," she said out loud to the boys, "we should have this one wrapped up before lunch."

She looked up at Esposito. "Don't look so happy," she commented dryly. "A boy is still dead, Esposito." He lowered his eyes, the smirk still evident on his face. Ryan looked away and puffed out one of his cheeks as "Mom" got after his partner.

"It's just a nice change from man-eaten and twisted limb vics," he shot back sarcastically, squatting down beside her. They looked over the body idly before Lanie approached – gloves on, clipboard in hand, ready to take notes.

Ryan and Esposito scurried off to interview the woman who found him – an elderly woman with graying hair, floral-patterned clothes, and a crazy gleam in her eye, and Kate watched Lanie as she started her examination.

"So," her friend started idly, "I heard that you spilled the beans yesterday about being prego." Kate pressed her lips together and glared at her friend. Lanie gave her an innocent expression after jotting something down on her paper.

"_Lanie_," she growled. "Now is not the time or place. Only Castle, Esposito and Ryan know about it … no one else heard and I'd like to keep it that way. If Captain Gates found out that Castle and I are having a baby …"

Lanie looked up at her, smiling. "Maybe her cold heart will soften a bit?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Please," she snorted. "She'd probably kick Castle out – scratch that, she _would_ kick Castle out – and she'd put me on desk duty for the next five years. I'm going to keep this a secret for as long as possible."

Her friend nodded, turning the face of their victim over, checking for any bruises on the back of the neck. "Are you going to talk to Ryan and Esposito?" she asked, not looking up from her work. Kate sighed and pressed her hands into her knees.

She stood up, Lanie following suit.

"I need to," she replied, sparing a glance at the boys. They were wrapping up their interview. They both looked happy with the results, despite their protest about interviewing the "Crazy Granny." She looked back to her friend. "I'm thinking maybe we can all go out to Remy's on Friday? I'll tell the boys officially then."

Lanie nodded. Then, after a long exhale of breath, she glanced down at the victim and back up at her friend. "I'd say TOD is around five this morning. He was shot with a .22 three times in the chest. He suffered some before he died. Not too much though" – she grunted, leaning down to peel back one of his eyes – "I'm not positive until I get back to the lab, but I'd say he was high as hell when it happened. He probably didn't feel much of anything."

Kate nodded just in time for the boys to approach.

"Beckett," Ryan said, pulling out his small pad of paper he wrote interview notes on. "Mrs. Jenkins told us that yesterday she came home from the store, she heard our boy, Todd Wilson, here" – he nodded to the dead kid – "and a man screaming in his apartment across the hall. Just as she was unlocking the door, his door slammed open and a man she didn't recognize walked out."

"_And_…? Did she get a good look?"

"Yep," Esposito put in. "We're going to take her to the Precinct to have someone do a sketch."

Kate nodded her thanks to the guys and they walked off, giving her a second glance. They tried to hide it, but she caught the looks they had been giving her. They weren't sure whether to pity her or be excited for her so they settled somewhere in between – they gave this puppy-with-constipation look every time they thought she looked away.

She sighed and looked at Lanie. Her friend smiled, her teeth a radiant white against the darkness of her skin. "I bet they'll be excited for Friday," she said smugly and squatted back down to finish her examination.

* * *

><p>Kate stared at their suspect, Mike Barnett.<p>

He was the definition of dirt bag. His face was smudged with dirt, his hair greasy, and his clothes smelled like someone takes a shower as often as the Nets win a basketball game. He was tugging at his black jacket, scratching at what was probably an injection mark.

When she sat down across from him, he grinned, showing yellow teeth.

"I didn't think cops came in suck hot packages," he said, staring at her breasts. She had zipped up her jacket to the top but that didn't help. She had woken up this morning, her breasts sore and uncomfortable. She went through three outfits, trying to find something that didn't hurt and something that didn't show off her new … assets. Nothing helped so she settled for the most inconspicuous looking jacked she had. It didn't work.

_Scratch that_, she thought, he was the definition of douche bag.

Staring at the man, she threw a file in his line of vision. She stood up, leaning over so he was uncomfortable and she opened it up, revealing pictures of their victim, Todd Wilson, a student at NYU and a part-time drug dealer for an area near one of the colleges.

"Have you seen this man before?" she asked.

He briefly met her yes before staring back down at the picture. She could see a bead of sweat roll down his face. He swallowed and tried being a smartass again. "No, but I'd really like to see _you_ _before_ the day is over." She smiled at him with a sickly-sweet expression.

Then she shoved the table back so it hit him in the gut. As he groaned, she walked around and slammed her hands down on the table. He leaned over, clutching his abdomen. "Look here," she said, "I have a witness that places you in a screaming match at his house yesterday and this morning he shows up dead. I'm thinking you're the one that killed him."

He held up his hands. "Whoa, whoa, whoa …"

She glared at him. "What happened, Mike?" she interjected. "Did he owe you money? I see the way you're picking at your sleeves" – she nodded to his jacket – "and I'm thinking you supplied his drugs. When he couldn't pay you, you warned him. When he still didn't pay you, you killed him and stuffed his body in a trashcan for the garage man. Didn't you, Mike?"

* * *

><p>"Nice work, Beckett," Esposito commented as she left the interrogation room.<p>

She nodded her thanks and the clicking of her shoes echoed in the Precinct as she walked to her desk. The familiar brown head, hand twirling a pencil in the chair by hers made her smile slightly. It had been a bad day. She had puked four times today. She was exhausted, her boobs hurt, and all she wanted to do was go home.

Seeing the mountain of paperwork that sat idly on her desk, she knew that wasn't going to happen. However, having _home_ come to her – especially when she wasn't expecting it – seemed like the next best thing.

"Castle," she greeted, nodding to him. He looked up from his trivial activity to smile at her. She sat down in her chair with a 'plush' and looked at the stack waiting in front of her.

"Long day?" he questioned, taking in the look of her less-than-put-together appearance. She nodded, not feeling the need to respond, and picked up the first clean sheet of paper to start filling out the reports of the day.

Mike Barnett had quickly confessed after Beckett's stunt with the table. He was now in booking, waiting to be processed, and sent away for a long, long time.

After twenty minutes of silence and a sixth of the papers set aside in the 'completed' pile, Castle whispered, "Kate, are you okay?" He glanced around making sure no one could hear them. "What happened today? You look like you're going to cry. Or punch someone. Do you feel sick?"

_I've felt that way a lot_, she responded silently.

She shook her head. "I'm going to go to the break room," she responded. "You can follow me in a few minutes. I'll wait for you." At that, she stood up and briskly walked away. Castle was left in her wake, staring at her desk.

When she reached the break room, Beckett sighed in relief to find that she was alone. She kicked the vending machine and a bottle of water fell out. After taking a long swig, she sat alone at the table until a few minutes later, when Castle came in, closing the door quietly behind him after looking both ways, making sure no one noticed

"You are the picture of discreet," she commented sarcastically.

He turned around and glared at her. "And you are the picture of 'I-had-a-bad-day,'" he retorted, coming to sit down beside her. "What happened?"

She sighed, capping her bottle of water. "It's just … this day has been horrible from the get-go. First I wake up at four in the morning to throw up bodily fluids I didn't even know I had. Second, I come to work and throw up _three more times_ before we finally get a body. _Then_ the body is just a pop-and-drop. The suspect was a wise ass, son of a bitch who kept staring at my boobs. And they've been sore all day." She rubbed her forearm over her breasts absent-mindedly.

Castle listened quietly, nodding at the appropriate times. When she finished ranting a few minutes later, he smirked, "Your boobs are sore?"

She gave him dead-panned expression, "_Really_? That's all you got from that?" She rolled her eyes and he shrugged. She grabbed her bottle of water and stood up, her chair raking loudly on the ground. Castle quickly stood up after her and grabbed her arm.

"Hey," he said, meeting her eye. "I'm sorry. I'm just trying to lighten the mood. I'm sorry you had a bad day today. But it'll be over in a few hours and then you can come home, have a wonderful home cooked meal Alexis has been preparing all day, and then go to bed before ten."

She pouted.

He pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head. They stood there for a few minutes, her arms wrapped around his back as if she was trying to take his happiness, his carefreeness that she so rarely had.

"Besides," he whispered in her ear. "Even though they're sore, your boobs look fantastic, Kate." She looked up at him and grabbed his nose. He screeched, letting go of her at once.

In the Precinct, everyone looked up from their respective desks to the sound of laughter and their live-in writer screaming, "Apples! Apples!"

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

**I know I usually update sooner than this but I took a break this weekend from school and now I am paying for it! I have so much homework it's not even funny! Luckily, this is more fun to write instead of my World Religions notes.  
>I want to thank you guys for your amazing reviews! They are SO sweet and I am loving that you guys are enjoying the story. <strong>

**Until next Wednesday,  
>Lizzy<strong>


	5. Fool Me Once

**I don't own Castle.**

* * *

><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 5 – Fool Me Once ... <em>

* * *

><p>Friday rolled around quicker than what Kate would have liked. She had felt exhausted all week and the puking never seemed to cease. Rick – <em>Castle<em> – had been weird upon the finding out of her pregnancy. Instead of bringing her coffee, he brought her this awful ginger tea. He said that coffee was bad for the _baby_ and that ginger tea reduced _morning sickness_. When she collapsed in bed at night from another long day, he'd pick up her hand and push at random points – he said it was reflexology and it would help the _morning sickness_. She drew the line at the spoonful of vinegar he tried to put in her bottle of water to cure her _morning sickness_.

Across the bullpen, she lowered her eyes. He was chatting with Ryan and Esposito about their dinner they were having this evening. All week the boys would stare at her longingly from their desks, walk slowly when they passed her, and talked to her like she would blow up at any second.

They already knew, she could tell. They had heard it a little over a week ago.

It was still irritating. She hadn't changed. She wasn't fragile just because she was with child. She could take care of herself and the little life inside of her. She knew that all three of them were just being protective – two of them were her brothers; Castle was her husband.

Still annoying.

An email pinged on her desktop. She shifted her eyes, rested her head in her hand, and pulled open her email account. The sender was from Richard Castle; the subject line read, "10 Ways to Reduce Morning Sickness." She scoffed and clicked out. She'd look at it later.

She had paperwork to do.

* * *

><p><em>"I cannot believe you called the book <em>Heat of the Moment_," Beckett sneered under her breath. Rick looked at her innocently. They stood at the book release party watching as the throngs of women bee-lined to the table full of the fourth Nikki Heat novel._

_Rick smirked, "I think I had a pretty good reason." He took her hand in his, pressing his thigh up against hers so they concealed their intertwined fingers. He played with the ring on her finger. "Plus, I had plenty of inspiration." With her free hand, she smacked him on the chest._

_He laughed._

_A few fans approached him and, upon seeing his detective, they opted to have their books signed instead of their protruding chests. She glared, crossing her arms at every girl who thought otherwise. "Jealous, are we detective?" he asked after the last of the pack walked away._

_She scoffed, "Oh, please. Of them?" She indicated to the fans with low-cut shirts and skimpy skirts, then looked away, a blush tinting her cheeks. She snapped her fingers and turned to his smirking face. "And why do you enjoy it so much? It's not like you've never seen a chest before, Castle."_

_"Looks who's _not_ off duty," he chuckled. "We're at a book party, Kate, no need to call me 'Castle.'" She glared at him and huffed, crossing her arms and looking away. He snaked a hand around her waist. "Besides," he whispered hotly into her ear, "I'm a one-detective kind of guy."_

* * *

><p>The day ended without much action.<p>

Much to Castle's disappointment, there were not any murders for the gang at the Twelfth. Captain Gates let the trio go home early and told them that if a body dropped, she'd call them in. The boys cheered and gathered their things, all prepared to go to dinner. Kate was packing up files to take home and finish when Castle walked over to her.

"Did you get my email, Kate?" he asked, fiddling with his phone.

She rolled her eyes. "I did and, no, I haven't read it." They started to the elevator where they boys had disappeared not seconds before. She pushed the 'down' arrow and they waited. He glanced up from his phone and pouted.

"Why haven't you read it?" he asked.

She raked a hand through her hair. "Because I'm frustrated and I didn't want to," she replied stiffly. The elevator binged open and they walked inside. Rick put his phone away. Kate looked away, feeling guilty. She had been in a bad mood all day, all week, and she always seemed to take it out on him.

She was turning to apologize, when her back pushed her up against the elevator wall. She dropped her bag and suddenly his hands were in hair and his lips were pressed up against hers. She responded, feeling hungry for something other than food. She moaned when he pushed himself against her, the action echoing in the tight quarters. She pulled at his hair and he started to kiss down her neck before she really knew what was happening.

"Castle … Rick …" she couldn't speak.

Ever since she found out she was pregnant, her body was physically exhausted. She could hardly make it through the day without falling asleep. They hadn't _slept_ together in over a week. She hadn't realized how much she missed it until now.

When the elevator binged to the parking garage, he backed up, letting her breathe. She looked at him, her face flushed, her breathing hard. He smirked and flaunted out of the elevator to the car. She barely made it out of the elevator before the doors shut on her.

Damn hormones.

* * *

><p><em>Kate rolled to her side as Rick gently rested his arm on her bare stomach. He kissed her shoulder and she tried to hide the smile beneath her hair. Sometimes, she couldn't believe she was sleeping with <em>Richard Castle_. She was in a _relationship_ with Richard Castle. It was a freaking weird world._

_"I went to one of your signings once," she whispered out loud before she could stop herself. She felt him pause with his assault on her shoulder. _

_"You did?" he tried to reply nonchalantly but Kate could hear the glee in his voice. She rolled over so she faced him. He was smirking._

_She rolled her eyes. "It was when _Unholy Storm_ came out. I remember dragging a friend from the academy out with me to stand in line. It was about a year after my mom died and your books were an escape from _me_. You know, the murders ended. People had justice. I like that about your novels."_

_The look he was giving her was beautiful: his eyes were soft and his face had fallen into the most relaxed pose … he didn't even look like her comment was inflating his ego. She pressed forward, suddenly feeling like her one slip-up was going to result in something more, "I waited in line for almost two hours. When I got up front, you looked up at me and said 'What's your name?' pen all ready. It was the first time I met you."_

_She smiled at the memory, before she cover it up with a mask of indifference._

_"What did it say?" he asked after a pregnant pause. She looked up at him, raising an eyebrow in confusion. He chuckled, brushing a piece of her long hair behind her ear. "What did I write to you?" _

_Kate scoffed. "If you can't remember, then I'm not going to tell you." She turned around and heard him groan. She relaxed in the pleasure of victory before she reached into her nightstand and pulled out the worn and beaten copy of his second Derrick Storm series. She lifted over her shoulder so he could take it._

_She didn't watch his face as he read the note he left her._

_'To Kate, do you know you have gorgeous eyes? You can write book about them. Enjoy. –Rick Castle'_

* * *

><p>The gang met a half an hour later at the <em>Old Haunt<em>.

Javier ordered a beer first from a young waitress named Roxie – a waitress Rick and Kate had come to know very well, a student who was studying to be a lawyer – and Kevin and Rick ordered the same. Lanie ordered a margarita on the rocks. When the waitress looked up at Kate, she could feel all eyes on her.

She knew she couldn't have alcohol.

"Just water," she managed, slumping a bit in her seat. Lanie was next to her in the booth and Esposito and Ryan were on the other. Rick sat at a chair they had pulled up from another table. Said husband was smiling widely and Lanie was biting her lip. Ryan and Esposito gave Kate a knowing smirk.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay!" she shrieked to the guys after a minute of stubborn silence. "Last week what I said was true. Rick and I are pregnant." Ryan whooped and Esposito groaned in mock disappointment. Then, the boys grinned, teeth showing and all. Kate gave them a look.

The both laughed, taking a sip of the beer Roxie brought out at the same moment. "Yes," Ryan cheered. "You know how much I've had bet on this? I'm pretty sure I just made about a grand. Feed the birds." He held his hand up to Rick, all his fingers pressed together. Rick tapped the top with the same hand gesture.

Kate rolled her eyes again and Lanie and Esposito were sharing a look. Kate took a sip of water, waiting for the onslaught of questions. "How far along?" Ryan started, setting his beer down.

"Four weeks, I'm pretty sure," she replied easily. "But I won't know until I go see a doctor. I won't know if I'm _actually_ pregnant until I go to the doctor." Esposito and Ryan glanced at Castle who mouthed, 'She is' winking and sipping the foam off the top of his drink.

* * *

><p><em>Just a little over two months after <em>Heat of the Moment_ took the number one spot on the New York Times Bestseller, Nikki Heat graced the silver screen with the movie adaptation of _Heat Wave_._

_Richard Castle escorted Detective Katherine Beckett to the premiere of the movie, where they walked along the red carpet, watched the movie along with 100 lucky fans, the cast of the movie, and friends and family. Esposito and Ryan nearly made themselves sick off the food. Lanie had the best party of her life._

_Natalie Rhodes lit up the screen and did Nikki brilliantly. Even the sex scene with Jameson Rook was perfectly fine without the extra 'research.'_

_After the after party, Kate asked, "So, how does it feel, writer man?" whilst removing her shoes. The Dolce & Gabbana purple pumps were top of the line, way too expensive but Rick felt she had to have them for the party. They hurt like hell but they had been worth it. Natalie even commented at how cute they were. They made her feel like a princess – a princess in pain, but one nonetheless._

_"How does _what_ feel?" he replied, putting his tux jacket up on the hanger._

_She walked over to him and turned her back to him. He brushed her hair over her right shoulder and zipped her dress down the back. Kate pulled the sleeves carefully over her shoulders. This Mori Lee VM Collection dress had cost more than her former apartment rent but Rick also deemed it necessary for the premiere._

_"How does it feel to have your book on screen?" she elaborated. "Patterson's done it, even Stephanie Meyer's done it … now you're in the big leagues, Ricky." She turned around and winked at him._

_He was removing his tie when their eyes met._

_The look in her eyes made him stop undressing and charge across the room. He pulled her into an embrace, kissing her. Her dress fell away on the floor, the cautious removal forgotten. Kate was unbuttoning his shirt and, before she knew it, he had picked her up._

_As they made their way around the bed, she wrapped her legs around his torso. They were locked at the lips. He was intoxicated by her hairspray. She was intoxicated by his cologne._

_They landed on the bed with an 'oof!' of protest from the mattress. _

* * *

><p>Kate and Rick left the bar after hours of drinks and conversation.<p>

Jenny had joined them just a few minutes after the news was revealed and they had spent hours catching up on life outside of the precinct. How Lanie's wedding planning was coming (_well_); if Ryan and Jenny were thinking of having their own kids (_not yet_).

Around eleven, Kate and Rick said their goodbyes albeit the protests of their friends. The air was chilly and Rick wrapped his arm around Kate protectively, shielding her away from the cold. Kate smiled to herself when she saw the tip of his nose turn pink from the cold.

He looked down at her and they stopped. He kissed her nose; her eyes closed upon impact.

"Do you feel better, Kate?" he asked.

She looked away from him, thinking. She _did_ feel better. All week she had been tired, nauseous, and a bitch to pretty much anyone who irritated her in the slightest. But now, after revealing the news to her friends and hearing as they asked her about what she wanted the baby to be, what names she was considering, and where the nursery would be, Kate's grogginess was long forgotten.

It was the first time since she found out she was pregnant that she wasn't dreading the possibility of becoming a mother. It was the first time she felt the clouds of fear and sorrow clear over her head. It was the first time she really thought about what a tiny miracle she was having.

She looked up at her husband and grinned.

"We're having a baby, Rick," she laughed, her face breaking out to the most shining of expressions. Rick looked at her and grinned back. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up, spinning her around. She laughed until he set her back on the ground.

"We're having a baby!" he repeated and it echoed down the alleyways.

Her mother never told Kate that having a baby would be the most bittersweet experience for her. Her mother had never told her anything besides the pure bliss she felt when she found out she was pregnant. Her mother didn't tell her about morning sickness, ginger tea, or her friends' reactions. Her mother didn't say how the next eight months were going to pan out. How could she? She wasn't there to say anything.

But, as Kate and Rick giggled in the middle of the Manhattan even when it started pouring down rain, she didn't mind not knowing – it was part of the adventure. And with his arms around hers, she was home. And they would figure it out. _Always_.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

**Less than a week away, who's excited? :D I am SO pumped for the premiere next week!  
>Did you guys enjoy the chapter? It's a bit late but today I was SUPER productive and got TONS of homework done so that's good for me at least.<br>****If you review, I will be very thankful. :)**

**Until next Wednesday,  
><strong>**Lizzy**


	6. Inventing the Girl

**I don't own Castle.**

* * *

><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 6 – Inventing the Girl<em>

* * *

><p>It was four weeks later when Kate finally took a day off a work to go to the doctor. She was practically dragged by Rick as they went into the Weill Cornell Presbyterian Hospital, one of the best hospitals for child birth and child care in the world. Kate didn't even bother protesting – Rick said Alexis was born here and he wanted 'Little Beckett' to be born here as well.<p>

They had a 10:30 AM appointment and, afterwards, they were going to go pick up several items for a feast Rick had planned for the evening. Rick had taken off a week from both of his 'jobs' to spend time with Alexis because she had the most of the week off for Fall Break.

Since she had gone to college, their relationship hadn't changed too much – she still lived at home and commuted to school. They still had laser tag fights and he still made her try his many new recipes. But things were different – she went out on friends on the weekends to underage clubs and studied during the weekdays at her school's library. More often than not, Kate had become a victim to experiments and childish activities since his daughter had graduated.

For the past two years, during Alexis's Fall Break, then, she and Rick went down the Hamptons for rest and relaxation. Kate usually joined them on the weekend to watch movies and eat too much food. But she normally went down late and left early. She knew that this time was for Alexis and Rick – as much as she loved both of them and wanted to spend all her time with them (and vice versa) she knew they needed their old father-daughter bonding. It had been them against the world for so long (including the brief marriage between Gina and Rick) and sometimes they had to revisit that.

* * *

><p>"<em>Good evening, wonderful family!" Rick boasted as he walked inside the apartment. Kate and Alexis looked up from their cooking to roll their eyes at him. "Two at once, you wound me, ladies!" He placed his hands over his heart, faking an injury. Alexis laughed and Kate smiled, looking back down at the stove.<em>

_Rick took a seat on one of the bar stools. "What are we having this evening, ladies?" he asked, reaching for a stove-fried potato. Kate slapped his hand with the hot spatula. She grinned as he waved his hand back and forth. Alexis was too busy pulling rolls out of the oven to notice her stepmom and father acting like children._

_Martha waltzed in after Alexis set down the last of the silverware on the table. Rick popped a bottle of red wine and filled his mother's glass first. "How are you, darling?" she asked her son, a smile bright on her face. She had been working long hours at her actor school for the past few weeks – it was almost the end of a semester and she had students preparing to sign up for new classes, others were graduating, not to mention the new students she had to interview and enroll._

_She sighed heavily as she sat down at the dining room table. Kate, Alexis, and Rick carried in the meal. They made roasted chicken with stove-fried potatoes, with corn and hot rolls. It was a meal they all enjoyed. Rick and Kate sat next to each other, Alexis and Martha faced them from the other side._

_Rick took Kate's hand under the table, squeezing._

_She gave him a wayward glance. They were going to tell Martha and Alexis tonight that they were going to have a baby. Kate didn't know why she was so nervous – she knew they would be extremely excited but it didn't stop the butterflies in her stomach. _

_They ate with small talk throughout dinner. Alexis talked about the second set of exams that she had coming up. Martha complained about all the work she had to do but smiled at the end of her rant, held up her glass and said, "To the dreams of others" and took a swig. Rick talked about the final touches he had to make on the outline of the next Nikki Heat novel, _The Heat is On_._

_Kate commented that he was running out of puns with the word 'heat' in it._

_He glared at her, saying, "I'm sure you can help me think of more." Afterward, they both looked away from each other to the two horrified women sitting across from them. Martha downed her glass. Alexis scrunched up her nose, standing up, plate in hand._

_"With that sexual innuendo, I'm leaving," she announced, ready to walk into the kitchen._

_Rick shared a quick look with Kate before calling out, "Wait a second!" Alexis stopped, her shoulders tensing up before she turned back around. "Come 'ere, daughter," he said in a Southern drawl. Kate gave him a look that he didn't notice. Alexis rolled her eyes, pursed her lips. She came up and leaned on her father, plate and glass still in hand._

_"What, dad? I need to study," she said._

_Rick nodded off her comment, glancing between all the women in his life. "Kate and I have some new to share," he proclaimed, looking at Kate like a proud parent. Oh, God, she realized then. How was she going to tell her _father_? She was brought out of her thoughts just in time to hear Rick say, "Kate and I are having a baby."_

_The glass and plate dropped the floor and shattered on the hardwood._

* * *

><p>They were leaving in the morning but Rick had scheduled this appointment beforehand because Kate needed to go see a doctor, specifically a gynecologist. Rick knew the perfect guy – he had delivered Alexis nineteen years before. He had also helped Rick one or two times with research.<p>

They sat in the waiting room all of five minutes before a nurse led them back into a smaller room. Kate didn't remember the last time she had gotten into a room so quickly. Normally, doctor appointments took forever. Maybe they were getting special treatment because Rick knew their doctor more so than other patients would. Inside the room, there was a graphic picture of a pregnant belly hanging on the wall; it made Kate a little nauseous. Rick was fascinated. He stared at the picture in wonder as they waited. "Isn't it beautiful?" he asked her.

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, if you think a little alien baby growing is beautiful." She nodded to the curled baby, who barely looked human at all. The eyes were shut, a nose slightly mashed, its body twisted in a weird way. Rick didn't seem to hear her snide comment. He just continued to stare at the picture and smiled, not saying a word.

Another five minutes passed before the door open, nearly crushing Rick. "Ricky, my boy!" a man with a very heavy German accent exclaimed, his hands held out to his sides. Kate raised an eyebrow at the exchange. The two grown men hugged tightly, pounding their fists on each other's backs.

"Dr. Schmidt," he greeted, pulling the man back at arm's length. Kate peeked from the bed she was sitting on. Dr. Schmidt was very short – probably 5'5'' or so – with gray hair and a large bald patch. He was slightly on the heavier side. He had a kind face, full of laugh lines and love. Kate trusted him immediately.

"And who's the lucky lady?" Dr. Schmidt asked, looking around Castle's arm to see Kate sitting there. She smiled at him and held a hand up in acknowledgement.

"That would be the wife," she told him. She extended a hand as he came around to welcome her. "I'm Kate Beckett, sir. It's a pleasure."

"The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Beckett," he replied, smiling kindly. "Ricky, you did not tell me that your wife was so beautiful! You look much like my Kathleen did when we were your age." He took her hand. "I'm Dr. Herald Schmidt." Kate smiled at him. The doctor's faced morphed from kindness to confusion in just a matter of seconds. "If you don't mind me asking, Ms. Beckett, but why is your last name not 'Castle'? You are married, yes?" He looked between the two of them.

They both started laughing.

"It's kind of a funny story," Kate recovered first, putting a hand up to her mouth modestly.

* * *

><p>"<em>If I win the bet, then I'm keeping my last name," Kate said, lifting up her hand across her desk. Rick cocked his head to the side, and took her hand in his, shaking it once up and down. <em>

_Ryan and Esposito watched from their respective desks; their faces set in confusion: mouth ajar, eyes squinted. "Mom and Dad betting again, bro?" Esposito asked, taking a glance at his partner. Ryan shrugged. The clicking of heels brought them out of their demeanor. _

_"Esposito, Ryan" Captain Gates said harshly. "What are you doing with your mouths open? Do you jobs." She didn't even bother looking up from the paperwork she was reading. The boys bit their lips and with "Yes, sir" from the both of them, they looked back to their computers. Beckett and Castle didn't notice._

_Kate's eyebrow rose in challenge._

_"So, if you cry on Alexis's first day at NYU, I get to keep my last name," Beckett said, crossing her arms while spinning slightly in her chair. "This is going to be a piece of cake." Rick rolled his eyes and brought up Angry Birds on his phone._

_"Why don't you want to be a Castle, anyway, Beckett?" he asked. She looked up, running a tongue over her teeth behind her lips. She smirked. His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. She could see just the slightest pout gracing his features._

_"Do you know how weird it would be to say, 'NYPD, open the door, this is Detective Kate Castle,'?" she asked. "Hello, I'm 'Detective Kate Castle.'" She paused. "Kate Castle … Kate Castle …" She stuck her tongue out in disgust. "No, thank you. I love you, Rick, but …" She shook her head. _

_She looked at him. He was full-out pouting now._

_She rolled her eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Besides," she said. "'Kate Castle' is not a great cop name. Kate Beckett, on the other hand …"_

_He pursed his lips. "Okay, that last bit was pretty hot but you are so going down, future Katherine Beckett Castle," he said, pointing at her, face full of competition. _

_She was about to reply when Gates yelled, "Beckett! Castle! Get back to work before I go out there and _give_ you something to work on!"_

* * *

><p>"He lost," Kate concluded, lying back down on the bed. "Cried like a baby."<p>

It was only a few minutes later that Kate had lifted up her shirt as the doctor shut off the lights in the room. The natural light from the window and the glow of the ultrasound screen were the only lights in the room. Kate put a hand behind her head and closed her eyes for the briefest second. Rick rested a hand on her forehead, brushing her hair back.

She looked up at him and he smiled widely.

Dr. Schmidt took a seat in from of the ultrasound and pulled a tube out of his jacket pocket. He leaned over Kate and said, "This will be cold, dear" and squirted a clear liquid on Kate's stomach. Her stomach jerked out of reaction to the cold. Dr. Schmidt pressed a small scanner up against her stomach, moving the goo around as he went all across her stomach.

A scratchy black and white picture appeared on the screen. Rick reached and took Kate's hand in his. She looked over at him and smiled. He smiled back with the smile that told her that everything was going to be okay. They would rise together.

"There it is," Dr. Schmidt said, pointing at the screen. Kate didn't see anything. Rick squeezed her hand tighter. She squinted, trying to see what he was talking about. She could hear Rick squeak and sniffle a bit. Kate didn't even see anything! "You are definitely pregnant, Ms. Beckett." Dr. Schmidt looked at her and smiled brightly. "Congratulations."

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

**So, how did you like the season premiere? WASN'T IT EPIC? Haha.  
>I was looking at my story stats the other day and I saw that there are 115 of you that have my story on story alert! OH. MY. GOSH. THANK YOU! *big hug* You guys are totally and utterly amazing.<strong>

**Until next Wednesday,  
>Lizzy<strong>


	7. Sucker Punch

**I don't own Castle.**

* * *

><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 7 – Sucker Punch <em>

* * *

><p>Lately, Kate had been staring at her reflection in the mirror a lot. Before she left their bedroom, whether it was at three in the morning or eleven at night, she would pull her shirt up to stare at her stomach. She had been gaining weight for the past eight weeks – steady, not drastic but enough to be too noticeable with the right selection of clothes. The boys knew she wasn't telling Gates about the baby until she absolutely couldn't hide it anymore but it didn't stop them from poking fun at her. "Eating well these days, Beckett?" or "Enjoying the home-cooking?" they would ask her in passing. Rick could hardly hide his grin and just looked away when Kate glared at him.<p>

Now, twelve weeks in to her pregnancy, Kate thought she could see the difference. Her clothes were tighter and her turtlenecks didn't fit as well. Each day, she went in wearing the baggiest clothes she could find – between her ever-growing breasts and her new-found (though small amount of) belly fat, it was becoming harder and harder to keep the little one a secret. Sure, she was excited; however, the idea of spending the next several months behind a desk was enough for her to be a little paranoid about her inevitable weight-gain.

They had just wrapped up a case and she was meeting her father at dinner, without her lovely husband. He had offered to come but she wanted to go alone to tell her father. She and her father had an unusual relationship – even weirder than the Castles – and she knew how hard it was going to be for him. She had told her father a while after he sobered up that she was not probably going to have children. He had accepted this. And now that she was, it was going to be difficult.

Her mother was not with him. She hadn't been there with him for fourteen years – time scarred the wound but could never fully heal it. Having a grandchild would be as bittersweet – if not more so – for her father than it would be for her.

The diner where they met was the same restaurant they were going to meet her mother the night she was killed. Kate remembered coming here for the first time after her mother died – she had a panic attack in one of the booths. Her father hadn't showed – he'd been drinking. A waitress had to call an ambulance. Her father didn't even come to the hospital.

The place hadn't changed much over the years.

The wallpaper was peeling; long strops had been removed because they had kept falling and glue was not keeping it up any longer. There were autographed pictures of famous baseball players, actors, and even a couple presidents who had visited the restaurant over the front counter. The tiled floor was slick with grease that wouldn't come up, no matter how hard the staff scrubbed. The booths were red and cracked from the fifty plus years of traffic. Under the glass of the tabletop were news articles, family pictures, and Broadway tickets – they had collected these seemingly useless scraps over the years. To the "regulars", these "scraps" were as much of memories as a family vacation or the death of a parent.

Kate sat down at their usual both. She asked for a cup of tea and, after an inquisitive look from their usual waitress, 60-year-old Beatrice, she looked down at this table, waiting for her father. Then, she ran her fingers along a particular picture under the glass top. It was one of her and her mother and father, when she was around eight years old. She was leaning against her mother in front of the restaurant, sticking her tongue out to the camera. Her mother was smiling that sly smile she always would – it was mysterious, sexy, and endearing all at once. Her father was grinning, his arms rested gently over her mother's shoulder. Kate felt her stomach clench and before she knew it, her free hand was resting on it lightly.

The picture was yellowed with age but the memory was clear for Kate. It was a morning after church and it was her birthday – she had wanted to come to this little restaurant because it was her favorite. They had taken this picture and made copies, giving one to the owner, who was an old family friend.

She was circling her mother's face with the tip of her fingernail, her head nestling on her shoulder, when her father came in. He touched his daughter on the shoulder and she looked up, smiling. She stood, hugging him tightly. "Dad," she said into his neck.

He pulled her away, holding her at arm's length. "Katie," he breathed, his love radiating out of his eyes. After he sobered up, he had always given Kate the most precious of looks.

They took their seats and asked for their usual meals.

"How is Rick?" he asked, drinking a bit of Coke. He took her hand that was resting on the table. His skin was worn and wrinkled but he always felt like home, like childhood when everything was innocent and wonderful. Just a hug from her father could transport her back to such a naïve place, a place where her mother breathed and laughed.

She smiled. "He's really good, Dad," she replied. "He's still following me at work but less than he used to. He's been really busy and what with a new book, starting a new series, and a second movie, he's constantly on the move. But we always talk cases – though he's losing to Ryan and Esposito in terms of solving them." She winked.

Her father smiled a special smile he started to give her on the day she told him she and Rick had gotten together. Every time she would bring Rick up, he would give her that look. Over the past year, he and Rick had become very close. They had lunch sometimes, talked on the phone, and he even joined the weekly poker game.

"Good, good," he replied.

They chitchatted for another ten or so minutes before their food was brought. They talked about Alexis and how college was going as well as Martha and her acting school. Her dad told her about his new job he had been promoted to – a manager of a local construction company. A basket of French fries and two burgers were set down in front of the duo. Kate thought that this probably wasn't the healthiest meal and Rick would have her head for it, but what he didn't know wouldn't hurt, right?

After a few minutes in comfortable silence, her father piped up. "So, Katie," he said. "Not that I don't love eating dinner with you …" He paused, giving her a smirk that she returned with a roll of the eyes, "but why are we eating _this_ particular evening? We usually eat on Thursdays. And then there's poker on Saturdays. Why tonight? Do you have something planned?"

She smiled, realizing that this would be the perfect time to tell him. She had been waiting all evening for the opportune moment and now was as good a time as any. She took a deep breath and looked her father straight in the eye. "No, Dad, nothing particularly planned, unless a body drops," she replied. "We finished up a case early and I've been meaning to talk to you about something for the past few weeks."

He nodded, picking up a French fry, dipping it into his catsup. He placed it into his mouth, gingerly chewing while giving her a look her mother used to give her. The look that said, '_I have a feeling I know what's coming next_.' Kate bit her lip, turning her head slightly to the side, giving him the matching look.

"Well, Dad," she said, "Rick and I are … expecting a baby."

The grin that appeared on his face next was the complete opposite than what Kate was expecting. She was expecting a sad smile, maybe a tear, but not this giant smile, stretching his cheeks to the point that she thought it would hurt. "Katie," he exclaimed and took both of her hands in his. He kissed the back of one of her hands. "I am so happy for you, Katie," he said, his eyes glassing over with unshed tears.

She hadn't seen him cry in almost fifteen years.

He looked at her like he had when she walked down the stairs for her first prom, just a freshman in high school. When he had when she got her driver's license. When she got accepted to NYU. When she made detective. When she visited him after he had finally gotten sobered up. He looked just he had when she told him she and Castle were dating. When she told him that they were getting married. When he gave her away at her wedding. When she told him that they had finally caught the man who hired Dick Coonan to kill her mother.

_Only more so_.

Kate felt her lip tremble in the slightest. She would not cry. She would not cry. Her father untangled one of his hands and rested on Kate's cheek. She leaned into his touch and he brushed a tear away. "Your mother," he said slowly, "would be so proud of you. God, she would be so happy. She would love to hear that you're starting a family …" He winked, giving her a smile that looked similar to the one her mother held in the photograph under the glass to of the table. "Whether you intended to or not."

* * *

><p>It started to sleet slightly when Kate pulled up to the graveyard. Her car squeaked as she hit the break and after putting it in park, she stared at the black iron-rod fence in front of her. She hadn't come to the gravesite outside of the day her mother died since she the first couple of years after her murder. She remembered having to have her uniform dry cleaned almost every two weeks because she would sit in the dirt in front of her mother's tombstone.<p>

Since they had caught the man who had her killed, the gravesite didn't haunt her as much as it used to. The anniversary after they had caught the guy, she brought Rick out here. It was the first time she had every let someone accompany her to the graveyard on her mother's anniversary.

It had been such a whirlwind year – at the time, her wedding was in two months. It was the first anniversary where she could go to the gravesite of her mother just to be her. Not to talk about the case or how far she was in solving it. She could go there to talk about Rick Castle. About the wedding. About her friends. About her new family.

* * *

><p><em>Rick put his hand on top of hers.<em>

_A storm of rain, snow, and sleet was whirling outside the car. A wonderland of white covered the graveyard, giving it an innocent shine._

_Kate closed her eyes, trying to contain her tears. She didn't want him to see her cry. They had caught the man who killed her mother in March of 2012. Now, in was January, 2013, almost a year later. So many things had changed since she had been here last. She and Rick had been with each other for a little over a year. He had proposed to her in March. Just three weeks after Johanna's killer was caught. She had moved in with him a month later. They were planning a two-week trip to Paris for the honeymoon. God, she was getting _married_ in just two months. _

_It was times like these when she would suddenly remember that her mother was gone. When things were going so well was when she wanted to talk to her mother the most. Even though Johanna Beckett had dealt with some of the worst criminals of her time, she never lost her faith in people – she had always seen the better of the world. But Kate had always had that bit of her father in her – she was normally pessimistic and when things decided to go well, something terrible would inevitably happen._

_Things had been going so well since she and Rick finally got together – she was happy, they caught the man who killed her mother, Captain Gates finally started coming around, and Esposito and Lanie finally got engaged. Murders still happened but they were easier to deal with. Telling the families that they would do everything they could to find their loved one's killer – because Kate was a testament of that promise._

_She was still waiting for something tragic. And yet, it never seemed to come._

_Now, sitting in the warmth of the car, she took a deep breath._

_She frowned, praying for the tears to go away. She didn't want him to see her cry. He had seen her at her absolute worst – yet he still never completely broke in front of her. She wanted them to be equals – and yet, he was the one holding her after nightmares; it had never been the other way around._

_"It's okay to cry, Kate," he whispered._

_She looked at him. "I don't want to," she replied. He gave her a look. "It's just …" She sniffled. "It's just – I cry so much in front of you, Rick. I – I don't want to be a – a _burden_ to you." She spit out the words like poison. He looked appalled at her answer. She widened her eyes in confusion, her tears momentarily forgotten._

_"Kate," he whispered his voice hard. "When I told you that I loved you, I meant that I love you no matter what. If you decided to murder someone, I would still love you. Hell, I'd break you out of prison. Seeing you cry? That's nothing, Kate. That's what a relationship _is_. We're not supposed to try being strong on our own. We're stronger when we're together."_

_He reached up, searching her eyes and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. He rested his palm on her cheek. "Kate?" he said. She blinked and leaned into his hand. "Kate, I love you and no matter what you do, I will still love you. The heart wants what the heart wants, after all." He gave her a small smile._

_She rested her palm on top of his. "Thanks, Rick," she replied. "I love you too."_

_She took a deep breath. "Now," she said, one tear falling silently down her cheek. She smiled. "I want to introduce you to my mom." She turned off the ignition and intertwined their hands together. "Let's go, Castle. Mom's going to love you. Maybe even more than I do."_

_He laughed in response._

* * *

><p>A bright flash of pink caught Kate's eye on the winding path to her mother's grave. Against the cold December white snow on the ground, the grayness of the sky, and the brown of the bare trees in the background, such a bright color could be seen at a quarter-mile away. Upon reaching her mother's gravestone, she saw a gorgeous bouquet of pink carnations, casablancas, and peonies all tied with a large golden ribbon.<p>

It was resting under her mother's name. They looked extremely fresh – like they had only been laid a few days before. Kate shifted her own bouquet of flowers, a mixture of bright sunflowers, orange blossoms, and larkspurs. While she usually brought white tulips for forgiveness on Johanna's death anniversary, today she brought flowers of adoration, fertility, and a beautiful spirit. Today was not a sad day.

She stood above her mother's grave and set her bouquet in next to the other bouquet. "Hey, mom," she said. She put her gloved hands into her coat pockets, trying to seek warmth against the cold. Her hair whipped in front of her face as the wind picked up, making her shiver.

"I just wanted to come by and tell you something," she said, her voice loud against the silence of the area. "I'm sure you already know, watching over me and all." She laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I just wanted to say that Rick and I are expecting a baby. I thought you'd want to know before I start gaining some real weight come January." She chuckled.

Then her smile fell.

"Mom," she whispered, sudden tears making her eyesight blurry.

The words on her mother's tombstone became blurry – Johanna Beckett, mother, wife, and friend with the first verse of a poem by Emily Dickenson carved underneath:

"_I hide myself within my flower  
>That wearing on your breast<br>You, unsuspecting, wear me too—  
>And angels know the rest<em>."

Kate squatted down, brushing the tips of her fingers across the poem.

"Mom, I miss you," she whispered quietly, the first tear falling, her voice drowning in the wind. "I have so many questions. I don't know how to raise a child, Mom." She laughed as more tears fell. "I don't know what to do. I never wanted a baby. After you died, I _really_ didn't want a baby especially with my profession. But now, now I am having one." She rested her free hand on top of her stomach. "Mom, I love Rick. And I know we will be fine. I just wish you were here sometimes, Mom."

She closed her eyes.

After a few minutes, her eyes still closed, she suddenly felt warm. She felt almost as if someone was hugging her from behind. She could feel blood rush to her back and the back of her neck. She held her breath, willing the feeling to stay with her forever. It was like someone was hugging her from behind.

Then, the wind picked up again and the feeling was gone. She opened to see her bouquet and the other bouquet resting on top of one another, tangling the flowers together. Her eyes softened and she felt the tears stop. Her eyes cleared as she continued to stare at the intertwined flowers, much like the hands of lovers.

* * *

><p>It was late that night when she finally slipped out of her shoes and hung her coat up on the coat rack in the front entry.<p>

Soon after she left the graveyard, Esposito called her with a fresh body. She didn't call Castle because he was on a two-day inspiration streak for a new detective series he was starting – something on the side of Nikki Heat, something fresh and simple, a mixture between Scooby Doo and Nancy Drew he had told her. In the holiday traffic, she had touched up her makeup – removing all evidence of crying, then – slowly but steadily – made her way to the park where a body was dressed up as Santa Clause with three bullets to the chest. "Merry Christmas," she had commented morbidly upon entering the scene.

It was almost eight when Kate made it to the scene and their sweep had taken a little over two hours. They found out the victim's name from his wallet in a nearby trashcan and, once the body was packed up and heading to the morgue, Captain Gates told them to go home and come back first thing in the morning. Gates didn't like it when they would spend the night at the Precinct – she didn't want her detectives to be stiff and exhausted while they were chasing down leads and suspects.

"_Too much paperwork if one of you gets hurt_," she had told Kate once.

She yawned, stretching her arms over head, a slip of her abdomen exposed. She walked to her room, expecting to find her husband asleep. Though she desperately wanted him to be awake, she had seen the office light off and assumed he was exhausted from his two all-nighters.

But, to her surprise and pleasure, he was reading a book with the lone bedside lamp burning brightly. She smiled at him as she closed to door softly behind her. "Hey," he said, over the top of the book. "We missed you at dinner tonight."

She laughed, coming up to the bed. "Missed you at the crime scene," she replied. "You would have loved it. It was like one out of your books." He quirked an eyebrow as she sat down by his feet, slowly starting to unbutton her shirt. He rested the book on the nightstand. She raised her hands like she was a visionary, "I want to call it, 'Seasons Sleigh-ings.'"

He laughed at her awful, Castle-esque joke. "Despite the murder, you seem to be in a good mood," he commented lightly as she removed her collared shirt, tossing it the floor.

She played with his socks. She fingered the edges of the top of them, feeling a bit of his leg hair. She bit her lip. "I went to see my mom today," she said, looking at his socks. She started to pull one off. She met his eyes, her fingers dancing across his toes. Her eyes darkened.

"I saw that you went by to see her too," she continued, moving so she was straddling his legs. An eyebrow shot up; he was curious as to how the conversation was going to proceed and how it had gotten to this point in the first place.

He nodded slightly. "I was feeling grateful," he replied as she slowly started to crawl up to him. Slowly, agonizingly, she reached his lap with a thigh pressed up on either side of him. He rested his hands lightly on her hips, fingering the edges of her tank top, while she played with the collar of his shirt "I wanted to thank her, because she gave me you. And you are giving me another child. I was happy and I wanted to celebrate with her, just for a while. I hope you don't mind."

She laughed lightly, seductively because she knew that he loved that. She leaned in to his ear and whispered, "Does it look like I mind, Castle?" She heard him gasp and swallow heavily. She smirked and bit the lobe of his ear, her tongue flicking out just the slightest.

He lost it. He grabbed her by the waist and flipped her over so he was on top of her. She laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck. He positioned himself so he was hovering over her, resting on his forearms. He kissed her chastely.

"Why, Katherine Beckett, I never," he whispered against her lips.

The kiss that followed as deep and hot and needy and wonderful, their hands were touching bare skin and tearing clothes off. _Damn hormones_, she thought. She had been exhausted upon entering the apartment. All she had wanted to do was go to sleep. However, upon seeing him, she remembered the tangled bouquets and realized that he was the one who had gone to the graveyard. He had gone to _thank_ her mother, who he had never met while she was alive, for _her_. And for their _baby_.

Then suddenly, she wanted to show him how much she loved him and how much she grateful she was to be with him, for him to be her one-and-done.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

**I had so much fun writing this chapter. I hope you all had fun reading it! :)  
>Thank you guys again for you outstanding support. It's such a pleasure to hear from you.<strong>

**Until next Wednesday,  
>Lizzy<strong>


	8. Head Case

**I don't own Castle.**

* * *

><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 8 – Head Case<em>

* * *

><p>In early January, after four blessed days off to spend time with family, Kate got a call. It was just passed four in the morning when Esposito woke her with a cheery, "Merry late Christmas, Beckett, body dropped." She got the address and pushed herself off her stomach to look at her husband.<p>

"Castle," she said quietly, tapping his chest. He awoke with a jolt.

"What – what's wrong? Are you hungry?" he asked, his eyes dazed.

She smiled at his concern. Lately, she had been experiencing weird cravings in the middle of the night. Just two days ago, he had woken up to her raiding all the cabinets looking for honey mustard for the crackers and cream cheese she already had laid out on the counter. He descried as a, "Starving raccoon digging through a trashcan." However, despite the weirdness her body was going through, he was awake the second she needed him to be, ready to run to the ends of the earth so her body was satisfied. The night before he went to the store to get her pickles at midnight because she wanted them so bad, she couldn't sleep.

"We have a body," she answered, leaning over to kiss his shoulder. "You coming?" He nodded, his arm resting over his eyes. She laughed and started to roll out of bed. He followed suit, with less grace than he normaly would at a proper hour.

"I can't wait until you have our baby," he said suddenly as she tossed the throw pillows at him. She stood up suddenly and smirked, giving him a look. He smiled in the darkness, his eyes significantly less sleepy they had been thirty seconds before. "Then we'll have six weeks of blessed sleep for once."

She rolled her eyes. "I thought babies needed to be fed at ungodly hours," she retorted, throwing him the last of the pillows. He carefully positioned it directly in the middle of the two behind it. She raised an eyebrow at his constant quirkiness.

"That's true," he agreed. He walked over to meet her as she headed to the bathroom. He intercepted her, grabbing her waist; she immediately rested her hands on his forearms. He kissed her quickly on the lips. "But, I'd rather wake up to the sound of our children than the sound of Esposito with a dead body. No matter how cute he thinks he is." His eyes were bright.

She laughed, biting her lip. "Come on, Castle, let's go."

* * *

><p>"Didn't you just have the death of Santa Clause?" Castle asked when they reached the scene, an alleyway next to a Korean convenient store. "Now, we have an elf? What is this? The horror version of <em>The Santa Clause<em>?"

They stood over a young woman clad with a slutty elf costume. Her makeup was caked on, streaks of black running down her cheeks. Her orange hair was fried and the black roots of her natural hair color were showing badly. Her top was ripped along the side. She was lying on her side, one of her arms extended above her head – she looked almost like she was sleeping.

They approached Lanie, who was squatting next to the body, her face dead set on her clipboard.

"C.O.D?"

Lanie looked up from the body. "Well," she replied, confusion in her voice. "I'm not sure." She took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes. "There aren't any visible contusions on the body. No gunshots. She doesn't have any injection scars or anything. I won't know the C.O.D. until I get her back to lab." Kate huffed, her breath short. Lanie glared at her. "Hey, don't get snippy with me, girl. I don't know how she died but, based on the temperature, I _can_ narrow the T.O.D. to two or three hours ago."

Kate did the quick math. "What was she doing out at 2 in the morning in just a skimpy elf costume?"

In came Castle with his theories. "Maybe she was an undercover CIA agent, posed as an exotic dancer and was following a lead when the target got on to her, led her to this alleyway and …" He paused, shrugged, continued, "Well, did whatever he did to kill her."

Kate rolled her eyes, while Lanie stared, her pencil hovering over her clipboard. "You always guess CIA, and yet, we've never actually had a CIA case come across our desk in the five years you've followed us," she dead-panned. She and Lanie rolled their eyes at him. "And don't bother with the law of averages," she said as he opened his mouth to retort. "If the law of averages were really true, then we would have come across someone a long time ago." He pursed his lips.

She looked back down at Lanie who was smiling.

"What?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing," her friend replied. "I'm just glad marriage isn't getting in the way of your bickering." She smirked at the duo and before either of them had a chance to say anything, Esposito and Ryan approached them, notepads and information in hand.

"What have you got?" Kate asked, letting her friend win this round.

"The vic's name is Jennifer Ramos, 24," Ryan said, looking down at his notepad. "Found her wallet in a trashcan in the alleyway right across the street. No cash. Mr. Choi, the owner of this Korean store, found her this morning when he came to unlock the shop and wait on a shipment of fish. He said he didn't recognize her."

Beckett nodded. "Okay, well, Castle and I will walk around and try to find the nearest Gentlemen's Club." She paused, turned to the boys. "If you guys could head back to the station, see if you can find any family. Keep me posted." The quartet broke up while Lanie looked at the body, her lips pursed in confusion.

As they walked to the car, Castle piped up, "So, are you taking in to consideration my CIA theory? Is that why we're looking for a Gentlemen's Club?" Getting the driver's side of the car, she gave him a look over the top of the car. "What?" he asked eyes wide.

She rolled her eyes in response. "No," she replied. "We're going to find a Gentlemen's Club because the outfit she is wearing is popular these days around town. I've seen lots of girls wearing a carbon copy of that same elf costume. It's the happiest time of year, after all."

"Dude," he replied, his eyes wide, arms flung up past his head. She cocked her head to the side. "We're married. I've been shadowing you for five years. How the hell do you know that and I don't? What do you do when we're not together?"

She raised an eyebrow then got in to the car, choosing not to answer his question.

* * *

><p>It was late that afternoon, when Castle walked in with Chinese.<p>

He set down a carton of white rice and another one full of broccoli and beef in front of her. She usually didn't prefer something so – _American_ – but Rick had pretty much cut off all delicious food because of her pregnancy. She had argued at first because it was ridiculous – she still exercised, he had already taken away her coffee, and she hadn't skipped meals since she had Castle become exclusive. It didn't stop him from throwing out all of the junk food – including his secret stash of candy he kept just in the zombie apocalypse came without warning (and really, would it come on proper timing?).

She took a pair of chopsticks and the loud, 'snap!' echoed throughout the nearly empty Precinct. Most people who had Christmas off had been lucky enough not to get called in – others were on their first day off for New Years. Besides the boys and herself, the only other people present were a couple of uniforms and Captain Gates.

Kate took a bite of rice while Rick struggled to snap his chopsticks properly. Esposito and Ryan rolled over, forks in hands – they refused to learn how to use chopsticks. They quickly reached for the brown paper bag out and grabbed their respective containers of sweet and sour chicken and cashew chicken. Kate's eyes narrowed at their choices – two of her favorites. They were mean.

They popped open the containers and quickly started eating, shoveling food in like they hadn't just eaten just two hours prior. Kate directed her attention away from the wafting smell of their food and looked at her husband. "Need help, Castle?" she asked, reaching out a hand to take his chopsticks. He pouted in response and reluctantly handed over the utensils. She snapped them with ease and handed them back to him, her lips pursed in amusement.

For the next ten minutes, they ate in silence while going over the details of their murder silently.

Jennifer Ramos was a 24 year-old student at NYU, working on her master's in Secondary Education. She had a boyfriend – Matt Cantrell – in which she had … surprised the night before, with her little get-up. He had been out of the country for Christmas and had just gotten back two nights before. That was why she was in the costume. When asked why she left at 2 in the morning, he replied that he didn't even know she left until that morning when he woke up and she wasn't there. He figured that she had just gone to class, like she always did.

Lanie called them to tell them that she had died from a very rare form of poisoning through arsenic. She only tested for it because she noticed that their victim's fingers nails were starting to turn white and knew that it was a symptom of this certain type of poison. A test for the contents of Ramos's stomach contents revealed arsenic laced in a coffee she had drank earlier that day.

After harassing the boyfriend a bit more, they found at that she met a longtime girlfriend – Molly Rockwell – for coffee at a Starbucks just a few blocks from NYU. They tracked her down but Molly didn't remember having that coffee. They got the video footage and found their man, Mickey Taylor. He was a dangerous drug dealer that had been in and out of prison since he had been a teenager. They had no idea why someone like Jennifer Ramos was with someone like Mickey Taylor. But they didn't need to.

They were tracking him down. Any uniforms they could find were already out searching.

Captain Gates walked outside her office and stared at the scene with cool eyes. Beckett noticed her right away and shifted slightly in her seat, nervous as to why her superior was staring at them. It wasn't the first time Castle had bought food for the team – he even offered a dinner to Gates – but her look was accusing, like she didn't care that it had happened before.

"Detective Beckett," she called in a chilly voice.

The boys looked at her with wide eyes. Their backs were to the captain so they mouthed, "What'd you do?" with their forks slack in their hands. Beckett frowned and her eyes locked with the guys'. She had no idea what was going on. She noticed that Castle was staring at her from the corner of his eye.

Beckett gingerly set down her chopsticks and rolled back in her seat. She adjusted her leather jacket and pulled her shirt down before walking over Gates, who was leaning against the doorframe of her office. She stared past Kate to the boys and, as she passed, said, "Please take a seat, Detective Beckett."

Kate did as she was told. She sat down, back straight, into a plushy seat in front of her desk. It had been over two years since Montgomery's passing but, even so, the office didn't look much different. There were different family pictures – her kids, Evan and Evangeline and her husband, Brian – and significantly less awards hung on the walls but everything else was eerily the same.

Gates closed the door quietly behind her. The click of her heels was too loud in the room. Everything was silent as she sat down across from Kate, who was starting to get nervous. She held her head up high, her face void of all emotion. However, her heel was starting to bounce with anticipation. She hadn't seen Gates this mad in a long time – she didn't remember snapping at her at any point that day.

"How is the case going, Detective?" she asked, lacing her fingers together.

Beckett blinked. "Um," she replied, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "The case is fine. Uniforms are tracking Mickey Taylor down. We're bringing him in. We have him on video camera slipping what we suspect to be our poison into Jennifer Ramos's coffee." She tilted her chin up in the slightest. What was Gates getting at?

Gates nodded, then untangled her hands and started to rifle through some papers. "You do know that Mr. Taylor is a dangerous criminal, yes, Detective?" Their eyes met and Kate started to feel queasy. God, she couldn't get sick – not here, not now. Then Gates would know. She couldn't do another six months on desk duty.

"Yes," she replied carefully.

The captain pursed her lips. Kate pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. "When the uniforms track him down, Detective," she went on, "you do know that it will be highly dangerous to confront our suspect. He's armed I am told and I don't believe that would be wise in your _condition_."

Oh, God.

Beckett swallowed heavily.

She knew. Gates knew. Who the _hell_ told her?

Oh, someone was going to die.

She started to respond with an excuse, deny any accusations that Gates was going to throw, but she held up her hand. Kate knew now that when the hand came up, one _shut_ up. When one was subordinate to Captain Victoria "Iron" Gates, one learned that when the hand came up, someone was in trouble. A major lecture was coming her way.

"Don't try to narrow down suspects, Detective," she replied hardly. "I am a mother. I have two kids. I know the signs of pregnancy." Oh, God, now it was out in the open. Kate slumped in her chair just slightly. "I don't know why you haven't told me – I know that Detectives Ryan and Esposito know along with Dr. Parish. For whatever reason you kept me out of the loop …" She lowered her eyes. "However, you forgot that I am the ring master of this circus and you are just an act."

She leaned forward, her eyes like ice.

"Let me tell you how it's going to be," she sneered. Beckett involuntarily leaned forward as well, trying to catch every word of her punishment. "In the future, you will tell me when something like this occurs." Kate wanted to protest, say the likelihood of it happening again was very slim but she didn't get a word in. "I know you're a married woman, Detective, and having a child is not something you should be ashamed of. However, you will have extra precautions to follow in terms of investigating."

Kate narrowed her eyes. "I will not be sitting behind a desk for six months," she told her sharply.

Gates raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Kate repeated, "I am not going to be benched for the next six months."

Then her superior did something she hadn't heard before – she chuckled, leaning back. "Oh, I'm not going to bench you, Detective." Her chair squeaked as she turned it slightly, giving the detective a smirk. "But you will not be allowed into any raids. You will not do any outside investigating you and Mr. Castle have a knack for doing. You will not go anywhere related to your cases without backup, in which Mr. Castle does not count." She paused, seeing Kate's face fall just slightly. "The last 22 weeks of your pregnancy, you remain in the Precinct at all working hours. You may help in cases, but you will not leave this Precinct until you go home."

Kate bit her lip. Hard.

"And if you do not follow these orders," Gates finished. "I will _bury_ you."

A contest of glares later, Gates dismissed her. Kate noisily got up from her chair. She sighed heavily and headed to the door, roughly grabbed the knob and swinging it open. She saw the guys staring at her. She could bet what she looked like: eyes on fire, cheeks burning with irritation smoking out of her ears.

Before she walked out, however, she was stopped. "Detective," Gates called. Kate turned her head. Gates stared at her paperwork, writing. She did not look up as she said, "Congratulations."

* * *

><p>It was only an hour later when they received an address, where their suspect apparently was.<p>

Gates watched the quartet with a cool gaze from her office. Before she left, Kate caught Captain Gates' eye. Gates raised an eyebrow and Kate nodded slightly, biting her tongue. As much as she wanted to go into the raid, she knew to follow her captain's orders. She was not afraid of her superior – but she couldn't conjure up an excuse as to why she would be needed. Esposito, Ryan, and all the other uniforms were just as capable as she was to apprehend their suspect.

If she did disobey orders, she would just be putting her baby's life in danger.

Sure, it irritated her to no end that she had to stand on the sidelines. However, as the last hour had progressed of explaining her conversation with Gates, eating the rest of her dinner, and miscellaneous chitchat, she realized what a difficult position Gates was in … and how dangerous it could be for not only Kate, but for her child, for Rick, and for everyone else who cared about her, if she so happened to be injured on the job.

Kate and Rick were right behind the boys as they sped through the streets of New York City. They came to an abandoned warehouse where uniforms were waiting patiently. There were three squad cars, plus Kate's and Esposito's made five. She started to get out of the car on habit, when a hand rested on her forearm.

She looked over to Rick, first to his hand, then to his eyes, and raised an eyebrow. It hit her that she couldn't leave the car and go inside and she lowered her gaze. She glanced out the window to see Ryan and Esposito look at her with a hint of brotherly protection. Kate smiled slightly and waved them off.

Sighing, she slammed her door shut as the guys and uniforms burst through the warehouse door. She sat back in her seat, pursing her lips in frustration. Rick smiled at her and took her hand. She looked over to him and he kissed her knuckles, a rare form of PDA at work. She smiled when he looked at her.

"It'll be fine," he said quietly, his breath hot on her fingers.

He didn't need to say anything else. They shared enough looks over the years to have full conversations without uttering a word. She knew that he was talking about Gates and her being stuck on the bench. "Besides," he said, resting their intertwined hands on the arm rest between them. He winked at her. "Now you know how I feel."

She scoffed and looked forward to the empty area. The guys were still inside, probably chasing the suspect around.

Suddenly, they heard shots and their suspect ran out almost directly in front of them. Rick gasped but Kate took a deep breath, grabbed her gun and jumped out of the car, momentarily forgetting why she was in the car in the first place. Behind her door, she positioned her gun to Mickey's chest. "NYPD!" she called to him. He noticed her and halted. "Get down on the ground, now!"

She dropped her eyes for a nanosecond to see that he had a gun to his side. "Mickey Taylor, drop your weapon, get down on the ground, and lace your fingers behind your head." She added, "Don't do anything stupid, Taylor." She heard Rick breathing heavily from inside the car. She knew and he knew that he couldn't move or he'd put Kate's life in danger.

They heard yelling from the warehouse as the boys and uniforms were making their way back to the door.

"Drop your weapon, Mickey!" she yelled.

She felt something weird in her stomach. It didn't feel like her stomach processing the food they just ate – it was like a spinning, almost a faint kicking-like feeling. She pursed her lips and, her attention momentarily distracted, Mickey took the opportunity. He lifted up the gun but before he could fire, Esposito tackled him to the ground and Ryan dove for the gun.

Kate held her position as the dual ended.

Just a moment later, Rick crawled out her door and took her arm – the one with the gun – and lowered it. Her eyes wide, she looked at him. "Rick," she whispered. He took her gun and holstered it in its place on her belt before looking at her. She felt like she was going to puke.

"What's wrong?" he asked, must like he had that morning when they woke up.

She shook her head. "I – I felt something." He glanced down at her stomach. When he looked up at her again, he was grinning. "What?" she asked. He ran his hands down her arms, trying to rid her of the stiffness.

"I think you just felt the baby move," he said.

She shook him off. Stepping back, she gave him a look. "I thought that the baby was supposed to kick. Like, hard. Really hard. You know, like the movies? Aren't I too early to feel a baby moving around in my stomach?"

Rick shrugged and took a step closer to her. "Women are all different, Kate. The movies aren't exactly a great depiction of pregnancy." He reached her and rested both of his hands on her waist, circling his thumbs on her hip bones. "Women can feel their babies moving as early as 15 weeks in some cases. Sure, some don't feel them until they kick but some do. It might have been your adrenalin, sparking the little one to zoom around."

Her eyebrows pulled together.

"Sparky," he said, letting go of her waist to snap his fingers. "What a great nickname."

Kate decided to not to argue about their baby moving. She knew that it hadn't been a normal stomach complication – she had been sick enough in her life and she had never felt that before. It was in that moment – outside an abandoned warehouse, under the cloudy New York sky, with uniforms arresting a dangerous criminal – when she realized that she really was pregnant and she was going to have a baby.

It hit her so fast – she was pregnant. And she had just felt her baby move. Not kick, but move nonetheless. It was proof. Proof she could actually feel the little one, not just see 'Sparky' on a computer screen.

"Sparky?" she replied, giving her husband a look. "We are not calling our baby 'Sparky.'"

"Oh, come on," he leaned in close to her. She glanced at his lips, hers parting slightly. "Just until we find out if it's a girl or boy? It'll be fun." He smiled and she rolled her eyes. Taking that as a 'fine', Rick Castle leaned in to his wife, Kate Beckett, melted her with a searing kiss.

In the background, Esposito put their suspect in the car. Then, he turned around to his partner, who was watching the scene. Uniforms were already on their way back to their respective cars, not noticing their boss and her husband making out behind them. Ryan crossed his arms.

"Dude," he said, glancing at his partner. They watched Beckett reach up and put her hands in Rick's hair. Rick's hands squeezed her tighter against him. Ryan cocked his head to the side. "Good thing no one's looking. Beckett would be embarrassed if she realized where she was and what she was _doing_. She would never live it down."

Esposito scoffed. "Got that right, bro."

They stood their silently for a few more seconds, watching the writer and muse.

"So," Esposito said his voice laced with mischief, "we're going to give them crap about this when we get back to the Precinct?" Ryan nodded, making a face.

"Oh, yeah."

Esposito slammed the door shut and the two bumped knuckles turning away to give their friends some privacy.

* * *

><p><strong>AN.**

**The wonderful, beautiful, talented **_**Niennaju**_** translated this story into French! So, if you are French or speak French, here is a link to read the French version: .net/s/7424836/1/Ce_que_ma_mere_ne_ma_jamais_dit **

**Thanks so much for your support. I have had so much fun with this story thanks to you guys! :)**

**Until next Wednesday,  
>Lizzy<strong>


	9. One Man's Treasure

**I don't own Castle.**

* * *

><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 9 – One Man's Treasure<em>

* * *

><p>The door slammed shut and Richard Castle was roughly thrown up against it. Kate Beckett took a deep breath, gave him a dark look full of lust and then leaned in to bite his lip. He gasped as she pushed herself against him. To say he was feeling aroused was the understatement of the century.<p>

He could hardly believe at how fast everything was happening.

At one moment, they were bidding Alexis goodbye as she left to go on a date with Eric, the kid from her Social Psychology class. The next moment, they were discussing the latest episode of _Temptation Lane_ on their way to the bedroom. And the next, _this_ – she was taking off his shirt, biting his lips, his ears, his neck – oh, _God_.

Rick pushed her away from him.

Kate was breathing heavy. He looked at her a moment, taking in her messy hair, her heaving chest, her animalistic look. She smirked at him and started to pull off her own clothes. When she stripped down to just a bra and underwear, she leaned closer to him. She pushed his chest and he once again was up against the door. She pressed hot kisses on the way up to his ear before biting it. "Come on, Ricky," she whispered. "I need you. Like, right now. _Right now_."

It didn't take him any more convincing.

He picked her up. She wrapped her legs around him. They kissed heavily and needy as he walked them over to their bed. He lay her down gently. She kept her legs firmly wrapped around his waist. "You're wearing far too many clothes, Mr. Castle," she said huskily, grabbing at his belt.

He sucked on her neck and his hands roamed to remove the rest of her undergarments as she hastily ripped off his pants and underwear.

They became one, fast and hard, and when they both came, Rick collapsed next to her. She curled in his side, exhausted and satisfied … for the time being. She rested on her side, resting her cheek in her left palm; he rested on his side, and she looked up into his eyes. He was giving her such a fantastic look – it spoke of love, happiness, and all things wonderful. Her eyes shifted back and forth as they continued their constant staring contest.

"I love you," she whispered, finally breaking the silence.

He placed a sweet kiss on her nose. "I love you too," he sighed happily. He continued to stare at her, creepily and adoringly.

She looked away, embarrassed. "What?" she said, a grin hard to keep off her face.

Instead of a response, she felt his hand snake to her stomach. She licked her lips and rested her own hands on it as well. She was now 21 weeks in and she was showing significantly. All her clothes were too small – the only thing she could wear was one pair of black pants she reserved for the two weeks after Thanksgiving and large shirts that she (luckily) had kept stock of over the years. Everyone could now tell that she was pregnant.

There was no use hiding it because Sparky was growing up quite nicely.

"Sparky's getting so big," Rick supplied her thoughts, kissing her hairline. She looked up at him and pursed her lips, once again failing to hide her smile. "What are you thinking about?" he wondered, brushing her hair back.

She rolled her eyes and she placed her hand on his cheek, her fingers playing with the lobe of his ear. "I was just thinking that we spend too much time together. You say things sometimes that go through my mind. It's like we have a weird –"

"Connection?"

She laughed, pinching his ear lobe. "Yeah, _connection_ is the right word." She leaned in, rubbing her nose up against his, an Eskimo kiss. "I was thinking the same thing. About Sparky that is." He rubbed her stomach. "The little one is getting big." She lay back up against her pillow and pulled down the sheet, exposing her bare top.

She pressed her chin into her chest, looking down at her protruding stomach. "I'm getting so big! It's weird because I don't feel it … except with my clothes."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around her. Nestling his face in the crook between her chin and her shoulder, he gave her a wet kiss and then closed his eyes, whilst pulling up the sheet to cover her again. After a few moments, Rick was asleep and Kate was staring up, the moon's light making strips across the ceiling. She rested her head on top of Rick's – his shaggy hair tickled her skin, making her shiver.

Already, just 21 weeks into her 42 and Kate could see the differences in her life. She waved goodbye to her old life – well, as 'old' as eight months could be – and welcomed her new life and responsibilities with a forced smile and fiery eyes. She only had one more week on active duty before Gates put her on desk duty. For weeks she had watched Ryan and Esposito raid crime scenes while she slouched in her car, biting her lip. The only time she really got to participate in the crime-solving was when they did their run through the actual crime scenes. She still got to see the bodies, squat by Lanie, as her questions, hear Castle make up ridiculous theories. However, in just a week she wouldn't even get to do that.

She would be at her desk. Staring at pictures. Writing on the board. Benched.

With all the aggression she pent up during her days of nearly inactive duty, she took most of it out on Castle. Sometimes she snapped at him with words but, mostly, she just wanted sex. The bigger her belly got, the more she just wanted to _do_ him all the freaking time. At the Precinct. At home. While making dinner. At a particularly kinky crime scene. Not that he minded – on the contrary, he took all her _needs_ in stride, with gusto.

Kate sighed and closed her eyes. She ran her fingers through Rick's hair. He shivered under her touch, but slept on. She smiled and the sound of his breathing lulled her into a sleep without dreams.

* * *

><p>On that Thursday, Kate sat through her final day of being an "actual cop" as she put it. No murder. Only paperwork, must to her (and Castle's) disappoint.<p>

On Friday the gang decided to go to the Old Haunt for dinner, a mock celebration to irritate – but mostly comfort – Kate's new position as benchwarmer. She took off the whole day because she didn't really want to sit at her desk all day and she and Rick had a late afternoon appointment Dr. Schmidt to find out the gender of their baby.

The gender of their freaking _baby_.

Lanie decided to take the day off as well and showed up at Kate's door at 9 o'clock on the dot to drag her around Manhattan, claiming that she had to, "get her out of those godforsaken granny slacks before she went crazy." They stopped for coffee – well, tea for Kate, coffee for Lanie – then walked arm-in-arm to several popular stores and boutiques all around the Castle residence.

"What about this?" Lanie held up a little ruffled number with small-print flowers and a greenish tint. Kate scrunched her nose and waved it off. Lanie sighed at yet another rejection and gingerly hung it back up on the rack. Kate turned around with a white-collared top with three-quarter inch sleeves. Lanie shook her head. "Girl, seriously, what is wrong with you?" Lanie stalked over to her and grabbed the top.

Kate gave her a look.

"Don't you give me that look, Katherine Beckett," her friend pointed accusingly at her. "You have, like, twenty carbon copies of this same shirt in your closet."

"But they're not maternity shirts," she defended. "Besides, these shirts are functional. I can wear them anywhere."

Lanie glared at her and snatched the shirt away. "Pregnancy isn't the time to have 'functional' clothes, Kate. When you're pregnant, you glow and you should show off that off with clothes that you wouldn't wear normally. Like, I don't know" – she pulled out the green top again – "something with color, perhaps? And if we're really crazy, _patterns_."

It was Kate's turn to glare. "Fine," she swiftly took the shirt out of Lanie's hand.

She looked a little too smug for Kate's liking as she gently laid the shirt over her forearm along with a couple of tank tops she had picked up already.

For the next two hours, Lanie loaded up Kate's arms (and unloaded Castle's bank account) with cute clothes to show off Kate's baby bump. Kate picked up seven or so new tops – most with patterns, ruffles, and splashes of color alongside the casual solid colored work-shirts – as well as four pairs of slacks and four pairs of jeans. Lanie even convinced her to pick up a sexy lingerie number that was black with lacey flowers, cut so short her butt was nearly exposed, and completely see-through. Kate knew that when she got to be in her last weeks, there was no way the thing was going to cover her stomach, let alone her bottom.

"Oh, come on," Lanie had scoffed, throwing it into Kate's basket, "Castle's going to _love_ it."

They shared a late lunch at a bistro down the street from the Beckett-Castle loft. Kate picked at their bowl of fresh fruit with a toothpick until she found a banana. She popped it into her mouth and Lanie pursed her lips; she had gone through the whole bowl, eating just the bananas. Kate cocked her head to the side, staring at her friend but Lanie waved her off, picking up a melon.

"So, are you excited to find out the sex of the baby?" Lanie probed, wiping her mouth on the napkin. She picked up her chicken wrap and took a large bite.

It was Kate's turn to purse her lips. "I am," she replied cautiously. She set down her toothpick and intertwined her fingers together, giving Lanie a sullen look. "I just … I guess I'm a little nervous."

Lanie raised an eyebrow.

Kate sighed, "Rick and I have been talking about names. He has his heart set on 'Johanna' if it's a girl. I just … I don't know if I want to name our daughter after my mother." She paused, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear, trying not to cry. "Even when I was young, I didn't want to name my children after family members who had died. I want them to have their own life, you know? I didn't like that he or she would have to live under that name's shadow." Lanie nodded. "And if I name her after my mom, I'm just afraid I will look at her and I'll … see my mom, _only_ my mom. And though I think of mostly good things now, sometimes, the pictures come back and I can't breathe."

It was probably one of the most personal thoughts she had ever told her friend. Lanie and Kate shared a lot with each other – hunky guys, phone numbers, period problems, and more – however, Kate had never told her much about her mother, even after the killer was caught. Lanie knew the story; she didn't know most of the darkness Kate had waded through before their friendship blossomed. Kate would hardly tell Rick anything but he always managed to pry it out of her. Lanie respected the distance that Kate wanted and Kate was always grateful.

Lanie rested her hand on top of Kate's.

Kate looked up at her, and her friend smiled softly. "Honey," she whispered. "That's a perfectly logical reason not to want to name your daughter after your mom." She squeezed her hand. "If you did, though, you can create new memories with her name. And don't worry about her living in your mother's shadow." She winked. "She's your and Castle's kid. She'll have enough personality. Trust me."

* * *

><p>She met Rick at the hospital.<p>

He insisted on having a town car pick her up but she had walked Lanie back to the station and it was only a twenty-minute walk to the hospital. She pulled her scarf around her neck, buried her hands into her coat pockets, and then strolled, breathing in the smell of New York City – coffee, snow, smoke, and the hot dogs around the corner from her.

Upon reaching the entrance of the hospital, she found Castle waiting for her. Before he noticed her, she could see his hands wringed together tightly, his knee bouncing. She rolled her eyes, and smiled softly. He was always so protective of her – worried that the tiniest snow flake could hurt her. Sure, he had always been all about her safety but he knew that she could take care of herself; but with this baby, he could hardly keep himself calm – he always wanted to protect her from the most insignificant dangers.

Kate thought she would be irritated.

Instead, she thought it was sweet.

"Kate," he breathed, standing up to greet her. He grabbed her arms and kissed her on the lips. She closed her eyes tightly and wondered why his lips were so hot. When he broke away and kissed her nose, he felt like he was on fire. "Jeez, Castle," she teased, as he let go of her arms, "you're burning up. Are you running a fever?"

He gave her a look.

"No," he avowed. "You're freezing. That's what happens when I let you walk twenty blocks in the negative degree weather." He shook his head, wrapping his arm tightly around her back. They started walking to the elevator. "You're taking a town car from now on." He squinted. "Got it?"

Combining the warmth of the hospital with the heat radiating off Rick, she couldn't argue. She was a bit cold now that he mentioned it. She nodded, pursing her lips. He squeezed her shoulder and they stood, wrapped up, even after the elevator chimed open.

* * *

><p>Kate laid down on her back and put an arm behind her head as a makeshift pillow. She felt Rick's hand squeeze her elbow and she looked up at him and smiled. He wasn't looking at her, but at the sonogram screen, completely absorbed as the machine turned itself on.<p>

She was struck at that moment that she wasn't the only nervous one. She could feel the perspiration of Rick's hand on her skin and she could see that his leg was twitching up and done, just like it had when she walked into the hospital. He had been through all of this before, why was he so nervous? They could usually read each other like a book but sometimes he didn't write the endings for her.

The shades on the window were open and Rick became a blur in her vision as she looked outside. It was snowing– even for early February, it seemed to be snowing too much; the ground was a constant white, even with the cars and smoke. Rick became her focus again and she could see that he had shifted his gaze to her. He rubbed her elbow. "Are you ready, Kate?" he asked.

Dr. Schmidt said something but Kate didn't hear him. She was too busy staring into her husband's eyes. The boys and Lanie had always said that she and Rick had this weird eye connection. Before they got together, it was "eye-sex." After they got together, they had "eye-telepathy." Kate always pretended she had no idea what the hell they were talking about.

But she did.

"I'm ready, Rick," she affirmed, resting her free hand on top of his and giving it a slight squeeze.

They looked to their doctor. He was giving them a soft smile. "Congratulations, Mr. Castle, Mrs. Beckett," he said. The couple looked up at the scratchy screen. A box popped up on the screen, just above the baby's very clear form. 'It's a girl!' it read in a boring font. But to Kate, the words were bright, beautiful, and completely bold.

"It's a girl," she heard Rick whisper in her ear.

She squeezed onto his hand for dear life, still staring at the screen. The box disappeared and then reappeared in the middle of the screen, 'It's a girl!' Kate could feel her eyes sting with tears. _Damn hormones_. She could feel Rick kissing each tear away, one by one. "It's a girl," she confirmed, finally tearing her eyes away from the screen.

Rick was grinning, giving her a look that reminded so much of the look he gave her from Captain Montgomery's office five years before when she found out he would be shadowing her. This time, however, instead of frowning, glaring and arguing, Kate was grinning back. "It's a girl!" Rick yelled, scooping her up into a hug.

She felt the gel that had been massaged on her stomach smack into her large t-shirt, making a complete mess. However, she did not care one bit. Her husband was currently spinning her around a small hospital room, like he had their wedding night when they stumbled into their hotel room in Paris. She remembered him picking her up and twirling around, all the colors and textures of the room becoming a blur.

He stopped after a few moments and gently set her back on her feet. She felt dizzy but it wasn't from the spin; it was from the love of her husband, of her baby, of the family she and Rick were expanding.

He planted a wet kiss onto her lips. "I'm so happy," he exclaimed.

"Me too," she agreed. Then she looked down and rested her hands on top of her belly. He followed suit, putting his hands on top of hers. Kate remembered what Lanie had said at lunch earlier. _If you did, though, you can create new memories with her name. And don't worry about her living in your mother's shadow_.

"Johanna is going to be happy," she whispered looking up to meet his eye.

For a second he was shocked, wide eyes, mouth ajar and deep intake of breath. Then he pulled her into a deep hug. He saw Dr. Schmidt exit the room, giving him a small wave. Rick smiled before closing his eyes. Kate could feel his hot breath on his neck. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I'm so proud of you," he mumbled into the skin of her shoulder.

_She's your and Castle's kid. She'll have enough personality. Trust me._

She grabbed tighter of his jacket, "Thank you, Rick." A tear fell. "That means the world to me."

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

**I AM SO SORRY! It's just past Wednesday here where I live but it is still Wednesday somewhere, right? I apologize for being super late with this chapter – it's fall break from college and I drove home, TOTALLY forgetting to write until I laid down in bed after a long evening with my family. However, it's done (and most in this sitting!) and I am so excited to share the next part of Rick and Kate's journey with you.  
><strong>**I know the gender of their baby isn't a surprise to anyone but I still thought it was an important milestone to tell. I hope you enjoyed it – it was fun to write!  
>ALSO! This past week I wrote my first oneshot. It's just a little blurb about Kate's first thoughts on meeting Rick, whilst in therapy. Set to Taylor Swift's "Enchanted." Check it out if you would like! :)<strong>

**Until next Wednesday,  
><strong>**Lizzy**


	10. Countdown

**I don't own Castle.**

* * *

><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 10 – Countdown<em>

* * *

><p>"Oh, come on, Kate, it'll be fun," Rick tried to reassure her and he tugged on her arm for good measure.<p>

Kate stood firmly, her feet planted into the icy ground. He gave her a look, one that read: 'You're acting like a child' and yanked on her arm again. "Kate," he warned, lowering his eyes. She mocked his glare. He sighed and let go of her arm. She crossed her arms; he crossed his arms. They glared at each other with fiery eyes.

Finally, she broke the silence. "I don't want to go, Richard Castle."

He looked at her. She was 24 weeks pregnant. Johanna – 'Sparky' – was growing at a rapid pace. Kate couldn't button up any of her jackets so – just a couple weeks after she bought new maternity clothes – she had pondered the racks again, finally choosing a bright blue, flared pea coat. It was gorgeous and what Rick loved the most about it was, of course, the woman wearing it but also how well it showed off her protruding belly. Topped off with a cute patterned scarf, matching hat with escaping strands of long hair, and UGG boots, she looked like such a "mommy-to-be" as Lanie called it.

She was so damn cute.

Except when she was being irritating.

Like, now.

"I don't care if you don't want to, Katherine Beckett," he shot back. "You have too. It's good for the baby. It's good for me. It's good for _you_." He paused, gathering up courage – or, as Kate would say, balls; he was fighting fire with gasoline, after all. "I know that you're cranky about taking off a day of work but Captain Gates was all for it, you got to sleep in this morning, and I even brought you breakfast in bed! I've been very good to you!" He pouted; she tried to suppress a smile at small, but effective, man-tantrum. "You can at least do this for me. Please, Kate."

Kate unlocked her arms and was about to respond when Rick shuffled closer to her. He snaked his arms around her waist, just above her butt, and pressed her into him. He could feel her belly touch his before anything else and it gave him such a tickle in his stomach. He leaned in to her and, looking both ways to make sure no one was looking, nipped her ear. Kate's toes curled in her fuzzy boots. "Besides," he whispered hotly into her ear. "If you do, I'll make it … _worth your while_."

He leaned back squeezed her butt. She jolted and he smirked.

"You're mean," she affirmed and she slapped him hard on the arm. He let go immediately and clutched onto his fresh wound while Kate huffed passed him. She pulled open the door into the _Baby Bird Parenting Center_ and she slammed the door, a mere inch away from smashing Rick's nose.

He came in behind her, chuckling under his breath. She whirled around in the front entrance, away from the public, and poked him in the chest. "Cut that crap out," she demanded. "You know I can't control my damn hormones." She felt Sparky – Johanna – dig a foot into her rib. She winced then added, "And Johanna doesn't like it either. She agrees with Mommy."

Before she had the chance to see his face of mystified wonder or absolute pride or cheesy tears, she twirled back around and stalked to the front desk.

Rick had sprung the idea on her to attend birthing classes just the night before. They were settling in for bed when he told her that he had called her in 'sick' and was taking her to parenting classes to learn some techniques for the healthiest pregnancy slash birth possible. Kate had been all for it when she was horny and just wanted to get down to the dirty business, then go to sleep.

However, the next morning as he buttered her up – quite literally – with pancakes topped with loads of whip cream, white chocolate chips, and peanut butter, and reminded her of their outing, her previous opinion immediately diminished. She huffed, crossed her arms, argued, sighed, frowned, bribed, and bit her lip but nothing worked. Rick was adamant and she knew – on the inside – that he was right. But the image of her sitting in a strongly incented, candlelit room with twenty other pregnant women, their husbands, and yoga mats was disturbing to her. It brought her back to the chick flicks she had watched as a teenager, pining lost loves with ice cream and dreams of a better future.

He somehow managed to drag her through a shower, their closest, even breakfast and then they were here. Kate did not want to go and humiliate herself … however, Rick was right. It was good for their baby, Johanna-Sparky. It was good for him. And it was good for her.

After checking in at the front desk, she and Rick were led to a small classroom, much to Kate's shock. They were accompanied by a few other couples and took their seats at a table in the front row. A couple next to them looked at them and smiled. Kate offered a small smile in return and Rick leaned over to shake the husband's hand. They were a young couple – probably in their mid-twenties. They looked so much more relaxed than Kate felt.

"… and this is my wife, Kate Beckett," Kate caught the last bit of Rick's introduction. She gave a nod and then glanced around the room. It was relatively blank, a few posters of pregnant bellies, and a single chalkboard lining the front of the room; there was a podium for the instructor as well as a few bookcases full of magazines, children's stories, and parenting novels.

"So it's true, then," the woman – Jillian, did Kate hear? – remarked. "I read in the papers that Richard Castle's badass muse-turned-wife Kate Beckett was sporting a baby bump but I didn't know whether I should believe it." She laughed and Kate offered a bashful smile. "Congratulations."

"Jill is a big fan of your books, Mr. Castle," her husband chuckled. "Our child is going to be born a detective, novelist, or serial killer thanks to you two."

The couple laughed pleasantly (and with slight morbidity) in response.

"Just Rick, please," Kate looked at the back of Rick's head as he spoke. He was so outgoing and kind to people – if Kate was going at this thing alone and by some chance in hell ended up here, she would have just shut up and faced the front, desperately waiting for the instructor. Not Rick. Never Rick. He was always the one to strike up a conversation with a nearby couple, family, or individual. That was why they worked so well together – Kate was a walled up kind of person; but Rick was the one who built doors.

The couple chatted for a few more minutes before a woman with tall heels and professional attire entered the front the room. It was definitely not the flats-and-yoga-pants style Kate was expecting. Classrooms she could do; yoga mats and incense she did _not_. At least, she didn't while Rick was around.

"Good morning," the woman greeted. She was about Kate's height; a Latino woman with beautiful long hair that reached her waist; her face was young and flawless; she looked in her early-twenties, though that was impossible – there was no way a woman so young would be teaching this kind of class.

"My name is Valerie Morales," the instructor said, writing it up on the board. "And I will be your weekly teacher of two-hour parenting classes starting at 9 A.M. to 11 A.M for the next sixteen weeks. I am so happy that all of you have come today. Now, I will take role and then we will start with our first subject …" Kate watched her eyes brighten. "'I am going to be a parent … where the heck did I come from?' It's going to be great!"

* * *

><p>After lunch, Kate and Rick stumbled back into the apartment. Well, Kate stumbled from a wave of unexpected exhaustion and Rick stumbled with her because he was practically carrying her to the loft. Poor Johanna wasn't used to moving around so much so early in the morning so she kicked and turned and moved until Kate finally collapsed.<p>

Rick led her to the couch then quickly escaped to the kitchen to get her a glass of milk she quietly suggested.

For the next two hours, Rick typed on his computer while Kate rested, her feet propped in Castle's lap. He watched her sleep for a while: the rise and fall of her chest; the 'pop!' her belly would make when Johanna kicked and Kate would shift or move slightly but she didn't wake up; the random times when she would curl her toes.

It was almost three in the afternoon and Kate was still sleeping, when Alexis walked in. She sat on the armrest of the couch and leaned to wrap an arm on her dad's shoulder. He looked up and she kissed his forehead. "Hey, pumpkin," he greeted quietly, trying not to disturb Kate.

"Hey, dad," she replied with the same volume, glancing at her stepmom, "productive day?"

He chuckled. "A bit," he offered. "I took Kate to that parenting class I was telling you about. She was … not excited at first. She was afraid it was going to be ritualistic. I didn't bother telling her that it was more-or-less just a two-hour lecture once a week." He grinned and Alexis rolled her eyes.

"I'm sure she appreciated it," her sarcasm dripping in her voice.

After a few moments of chitchat, Alexis scampered off to study in her room. Rick looked down at Kate, who was starting to wake up from her nap. Deciding to play a small game, he gently rested his laptop on the coffee table. Then he gingerly lifted her feet off his lap. He moved so he was straddling over her, high enough so his weight wasn't pressed on her at all. She slowly awoke from her nap and looked up to find her husband leaning over her, kissing her jawline.

"Rick," she groaned, blinking heavily. "I am _so_ not decent enough to be kissing right now." He obviously did not care because he continued to kiss her: her cheeks, her forehead, her nose, and the corners of her mouth. "Oh, God, I think I feel drool." She wiped her mouth as he laughed and leaned away from her.

"You're killing the mood, Beckett," he commented.

"Who said there was a mood in the first place?" she challenged, rolling her eyes.

Before he could respond, however, there was a big kick that not only made Kate lose her breath but Rick as well. They shared a look of shock; Johanna had never kicked this hard before; obviously, she was taking Kate's side. And Kate knew it by the smirk she was wearing. "Yeah, yeah," Rick surrendered and climbed off of her. Kate pushed herself up and rubbed her cheeks, trying to wake up quicker.

After a few moments of quiet silence, Kate suddenly had an overwhelming urge to take Rick upstairs. She got up and held out her hand. He gave her a quizzical look then reached for her. She helped him to his feet and then dragged him behind her, keeping her hand firmly attached to his.

They walked up the stairs and passed Alexis's room and Martha's. At the end of the hall, across from a half bathroom, was another room that was once the guest room. Kate turned around and leaned up against the closed door. She grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for a sweet and relaxed kiss. Rick gently ran his fingers through her hair. After a moment, Kate let go of him and turned the knob of the door.

He kept his hands wound in her hair and she walked backwards, a strange dance. They entered a small room. Kate had stayed in here once – after her apartment exploded. She had slept in the queen bed that was now in storage; she remembered pulling back the heavy draperies to look down at her city – those had been replaced with sheer curtains that let in a lot of natural light; the dresser where her new wardrobe had stayed along with the nightstand where her badge and gun rested at night were now vacant from the room.

Rick slowly detached himself from Kate and she did the same. He slowly twirled her around so they could stare at the room together. She breathed in his aftershave and cologne while he wrapped his arms around the front of her waist. He rubbed circles over her pregnant belly. She blinked heavily because sometimes just the smallest things he did could leave her breathless; she had to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

Over the past month, they had removed the adult furniture and it had been replaced with the necessities of a baby. The walls were painted a light green. Where the bed had been before was a wooden crib; above the crib was a giant mural of a mother, father, sister, and baby elephant. In the corner by the window was a plushy rocking chair. Across from the crib was a changing station and the closet was starting to fill up slowly with little girl's clothes.

They stood in Johanna's room, her nursery, for the longest time without saying anything to each other.

Finally, Rick whispered in her ear, "I love you, Katherine Beckett."

She could feel his lips press to the back of her neck. She leaned into his touch and sighed. "I love you, Richard Castle," she murmured. He brushed her hair so he fell over one shoulder, leaving her neck and a bit of her shoulder blades exposed. He continued to kiss her and she stood there, feeling the moment, wanting it to last forever.

She was having a baby with the man she loved more than anything.

She felt happy and loved and beautiful and all the other adjectives that followed. If someone would have told her five years before that she would be standing in the nursery of her child, she would have rolled her eyes. If that same someone had said she would be standing in the nursery of her and _Richard Castle's_ child, she would have laughed and probably shot them. But as she stood there, with her husband sweetly kissing her back in the room made for their baby, she was happy no one told her this was going to happen.

She loved the surprises he gave her.

Richard Castle made her believe in fate, destiny, magic, Santa Clause, and a happily ever after. He showed her what it was like to be loved – _really_ loved – through anything from making love, to deep hugs, to kissing, to jokes, to laughter, to car rides, to silly arguments, to late-night dinners. She never could have asked for a better life than the one she had now. It had taken many years of pain and heartbreak but Kate wouldn't change anything.

If there wasn't a Richard Castle, there would not be a Katherine Beckett. At least, she didn't think so. Before him, she was stiff and all-business. The job would have taken her over eventually, if it hadn't already. She would have been living at her desk, drinking nasty coffee, barely eating. She would have helped people – hundreds – but she would not have given herself the help she so desperately needed.

She would have been killed eventually. Kate knew that when she started her job – in fact, she embraced the dangers and 'what-ifs' that came when she signed her life away. But then Rick came along and he changed that. He became the person she could always count on – he would show up anywhere, do anything for her if she asked.

He became her home, her family, the love that she had been missing for so long. Sure, she had her dad but her dad had a life and his own struggles to attend to. But Rick gave her that reason for living, for caring whether or not she walked home at night. Without him, Kate honestly believed she would not be living today.

"Thank you," she whispered in the silence of the room.

She felt his lips leave her shoulder. Slowly he spun her back around so they were facing each other. He caught her eye and in that moment she saw that he knew everything. She never had to say it – he already knew. He rested his hands on her cheeks; she closed her eyes. He kissed her on the forehead, then on the cheeks, then on the nose, then on the corners of her mouth. She blinked and they stared at each other for a pregnant moment.

"Thank _you_," he replied; he was so close she could feel his lips move with every syllable. Then, finally, he pressed his lips against hers.

* * *

><p>There was a loud knock on the front door.<p>

Kate licked the sauce off her index finger and called, "I got it!" and shuffled to the door. She opened it and her father greeted her with a giant bouquet of flowers. She smiled softly. "Thanks, Dad," she said quietly and smelled them. Johanna kicked her in the rib. "Anna likes them too." Her dad's eyes widened, then he looked down at her stomach.

"Did she kick?" he asked excitedly.

Kate nodded then took one of his hands; she rested on the top of her belly, by Anna's favorite rib to kick. "Come on, baby," she urged and then she felt the sharp kick again. Her dad jumped back and then, after a long shared look, he gave her a big hug.

"I'm so proud of you, Katie," he whispered into her ear.

They made their way to the kitchen where Rick was finishing up dinner. Alexis and Martha had already started setting up the table. Rick looked up from the pasta sauce as they entered, laughing and chitchatting. Kate left them to find a vase for the bouquet and Rick and Jim shared a look.

"She's amazing, you know," Rick finally said, turning the burner off on the stove. He grabbed an oven mitt and then pulled the garlic bread out of the oven. After setting it down on the counter, he fiddled around with the stove until everything was properly turned off. When Jim didn't respond, he looked up.

"Times like these," Jim replied slowly, "I know why Katie picked you as the perfect man." Rick looked bashful and rubbed the back of his neck. He mumbled protests under his breath but Jim was not having any of it. "I used to think that you, given your reputation, would eventually leave her heartbroken. But you stuck with her, even when she tried everything to get you out of her life."

Jim walked around behind the counter and slammed Rick affectionately on the shoulder. "Thank you," he proclaimed, "for being there for my baby girl."

* * *

><p>After dinner, the family curled up in the living room. Blankets were distributed and the fire place was going. Rick was preparing coffee and hot chocolate. Alexis was helping him cut the chocolate cake he had prepared earlier in the day. Martha had to leave right after dinner – she was taking her advanced students to an off-Broadway performance outside of the city and she had to meet them at the school.<p>

Jim and Kate sat on a love seat next to each other. Kate curled up, tucking her feet under while Jim crossed a leg. She fiddled with a loose string on the armrest of the couch, thinking about what to say. They had caught up on the drama of their lives at dinner – the construction business, annoying employees for Jim and murders, mystery, mayhem for Kate.

"Hey, Dad," Kate said quietly, remembering the class she had taken at the beginning of the day. It seemed like such a long time ago she had taken that class. Her father turned his head, confirming that he was listening. Hearing laughter in the background, Kate knew that it would be a little while before her Castle-counterparts reappeared – they were probably cleaning up a chocolate icing fight as they spoke.

"You've never told me how I was born."

Without thinking, she touched the top of her belly, next to Anna's favorite rib.

She glanced at her dad under the protection of her hair. He was smiling sadly. "It was a … crazy day, Katie," he chuckled, turning to face her; she followed suit. "I was playing a late-night basketball game with some of the guys from the office. Take off the aggression of the job, you know?" Kate nodded. "Well, it was about two in the morning when I came home. You mom was already sleeping. I remember that she was so pregnant that the sheets would never stay over her belly. She would get so cold but you would constantly kick the covers off her."

Kate smiled sadly. Boy, did she know now.

"So, I showered and got ready for bed. I swear I had just fallen asleep when your mother slapped me awake." At Kate's shocked look, he confirmed, "Yes, she slapped me over and over. She was freaking out – said her water broke. You were five weeks early, Katie. So, we rushed to the hospital. It was three in the morning when we burst through those doors. Our doctor was out of town for vacation so we had this new guy, Dr. Pomatter, come in. Johanna was _freaking out_."

"What about you?" Kate whispered.

He reached over and took her hands in his. He squeezed them, "I was terrified but I was just going with the flow. Need to go to the hospital? Okay, let's go. You're in pain? I'll get you some drugs. You want to fly to the beach? Sure, I'll buy the tickets." He chuckled. "I was scared stiff, Katie, and I was exhausted."

The kitchen quieted but Kate didn't notice.

"You were silent when you were born. I knew something was wrong because you weren't screaming your head off. Then Johanna passed out. All the heart monitors went off and the more doctors burst into the room. They pushed me out and didn't tell me anything." He sighed. "I was angry and scared, Katie. I didn't know what was going on. Then, finally, after about a half hour, Dr. Pomatter came out an explained that the umbilical cord had been wrapped around your neck so tight that you couldn't breathe. Johanna had started bleeding out from … _somewhere_ … and they had to see what was wrong." He paused. "You both were okay. It was scary though. Soon enough, I got to go into the room and see you two. Your mom was holding you, touching your lips and making the most adorable face. She looked up at me and I have never seen her grin so hard in her life."

Kate could feel her throat clog. _Damn hormones_.

"She said, 'Look, Jimmy, look what we made. Isn't she perfect?'"

At that moment, Rick and Alexis made their appearance. Kate blinked and took a deep breath. Rick gave her a curious look and she shook her head, a silent, 'I'll tell you later.' A cup of hot chocolate and a plate of chocolate cake were placed in her hands. She took a sip of the hot chocolate and then set it down on the coffee table.

She leaned in to her father and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

Picking up her fork, she took a large bite of the chocolate cake. She moaned and then took another large bite – everything sweet tasted better now that she was pregnant. Anna kicked again, agreeing with her mother.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

**Hello again! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :) Thank you SO much for all of your wonderful reviews – you guys are so sweet! It's been such a pleasure hearing from you. So, according to my notes, there are only a few chapters left in this story. :( I don't want it to end but I already have another story lined up to work on after this one. ;) And it's going to be COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Trust me! Haha.  
>Enough with the sad stuff! Haha, who is ready for a <em>baby shower<em>? Please look forward to it in the next chapter!**

**Until next Wednesday,  
>Lizzy <strong>


	11. Tick, Tick, Tick

**I don't own Castle.**

* * *

><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 11 – Tick, Tick, Tick<em>

* * *

><p>32 weeks.<p>

Kate rolled back in her desk chair and looked towards Captain Gates' office. Her superior was currently reading over paperwork, and every once in a while she would lean over, and mark something on the paper. Castle was running to pick up the pizzas they had ordered an hour ago. Ryan and Esposito were interrogating their suspect. Kate had already been to see Lanie – _twice_ – about their victim.

Well, it was now or never.

Kate pushed off her knees and slowly stood up. She waddled her way over to the office, glaring at any one who was giving her a weird look. Being pregnant made walking – _normally_ that is – difficult. She knocked on Gates' doorframe and poked her head inside. "Captain?" she questioned, asking silently if it was okay to come in.

Gates didn't look up from her paperwork but waved her inside. Kate made it to the chair and slowly lowered herself with her a hand firmly planted on each armrest. She sighed when her bottom hit the cushion. Being pregnant also made it hard to sit down like a normal person.

For about thirty seconds, they sat there in awkward silence. Kate looked around the room, saw nothing different, and then took a moment looking out the window. She saw the tops of a couple of buildings and one that stretched up passed the Twelfth's. She was staring at the semi-cloudy sky, wondering if it was going to rain, when Gates finally addressed her.

"How is the baby?" she asked.

Kate's eyes immediately went back to the captain, who was giving her a pleasant expression. She had never seen Gates look _pleasant_. "She's fine," Kate replied cautiously, resting a hand on top of her large belly, next to Johanna's – Anna, Sparky, too many nicknames to count now – favorite rib to slam her little foot into.

"Very good," Gates remarked. She set down her pen and intertwined her fingers together. Kate was giving her a very strange look. Were they actually going to have a pleasant conversation about her pregnancy? Since she had been benched, it was more or less at constant glaring contest between them. Kate would narrow her eyes while sitting at her desk and Gates would roll her own when she noticed.

"I need to talk to you, Sir, about my maternity leave," Kate announced.

Understanding filled Gates' eyes. "Of course," she replied. Leaning over, she pulled out the top drawer of her desk. A stack of paperwork, clipped at the top, emerged from the drawer. She handed it to Kate; she flipped through some of the pages. "Just fill this out. You are required a six to eight week maternity leave. Seeing as it is your first child, I would recommend eight weeks. However," Kate looked up from the packet. "I know you, Detective Beckett. You have the minimum of six weeks. If I see you after those six weeks, I will not say a word."

Kate bit her lip and nodded. "Thank you, Sir," she whispered, glancing at the first few pages of the packet. It was mostly information to read and a couple of signatures. Deciding that the conversation was over, she stood up and made her way to the door, still studying the packet.

"Oh, Detective Beckett," Captain Gates called after her. Kate looked up from her paperwork. Their eyes locked; however, instead of spite and anger, there was a mutual understanding. "I wish you, Castle, and your family the best of luck." She paused, smiled. "Oh, and I want to see Johanna when she's born. I'm sure she'll be adorable."

* * *

><p>That Sunday, Kate was off of work. Gates gave the entire team a weekend off because they had managed to close seven cases in two weeks. Most of them were just drug deals gone wrong or accidental deaths but, still, Gates was feeling generous. Because of everyone had the day off, Lanie decided to throw a baby shower for the girls and she got Esposito to host a video game day for the boys.<p>

Kate was reluctant at first – no one needed to buy her anything. She had enough money between her and Rick to buy clothes for twenty babies. She didn't want people to feel obliged to buy her anything. She knew how these things worked – being a bridesmaid so many times had always resulted in the eventual baby shower. She remembered stressing out over what gift to buy and didn't want that burden to be on anybody else.

But then Lanie called Martha and Alexis and the three then called Madison and so the party was on. It was going to be a very small party without frills or drama and for that Kate was grateful.

The morning of, Alexis took Kate out for brunch at a local favorite. It was just the two of them. Martha was busily preparing the house; Rick was getting ready to head to Esposito's and the girls weren't going to show up for a couple more hours.

"It's been a long time since we've done this, Alexis," Kate commented, taking a big bite of her pancake dripping with blueberry sauce and whip cream. Alexis smile, before taking a bite of her omelet.

"It has been," she replied sweetly. "We always have the best talks on these brunches. I love my dad and my grandmother but I _really_ love this girl time." She smiled. "Sometimes – most of the time – you understand my problems better than my own family." Kate blushed and twirled some of her whip cream around on the plate.

She looked up at the girl. "Thank you, Alexis."

They ate in contented silence for a while. Then, after wiping a bit of whip cream off her cheek, Kate whispered, "I actually have been meaning to talk to you about something, Alexis."

Alexis gave her a look and set down her fork. It was about to get serious and she could tell. Kate sighed in resignation when she knew she had her stepdaughter's full attention. "Alexis, I know that we've talked about a lot of stuff. I mean, after your father and I finally got together, I know you resented me." Alexis was about to defend herself but Kate shook her head. "We've talked about that. We came to a mutual understanding and I think we have become much closer over the past two years. However, this baby is something we were never expecting."

Kate watched Alexis fiddle with her hands on the top of the table. She hated these awkward, near-hostile conversations, especially with Alexis. She always really liked Alexis and, even at the beginning when Alexis was … less than pleased of her relationship with Rick, she believed that Alexis really liked her now as well.

"I know that this can't be easy, Alexis," Kate continued. She felt like she was rambling. "It can't be easy watching your dad and stepmom have another child. And I know that you must feel left out." The girl's eyes fell to the table. "ButI love you and Martha and I will protect you will my whole being. Everything is going to change soon." Kate paused. "And I'm _scared_. But know this, just because there will be a new baby, does not mean your father or I will forget you. We both love you, Lex, and that won't ever, _ever_ change. Okay?"

Alexis looked up from the table and met Kate's eyes. Kate knew that she had hit her emotions on the bull's-eye. Alexis had never said anything, she had never acted nothing but excited, but Kate knew. She had seen enough kids during her years as a detective to know, to understand how hard this was going to be for her.

But then, her father's child, Alexis managed to surprise her. "You've never called my 'Lex' before," she smiled just a tiny bit, picking up her fork again. "I like it."

Kate sighed. She reached across the table and squeezed Alexis's hand. "Thank you, Lex," she pursed her lips, trying to suppress a grin. Alexis bit her lip and then, before either of them could take another bite, Kate felt Johanna's favorite rib being sharply kicked at. "Lex," she breathed. Alexis looked worried, her eyes wide with confusion and fear. Kate waved her to come closer. "Do you want to feel Sparky kick? She's really happy …" She took a sharp intake of breath. "… right now."

Alexis grinned and then scurried over to Kate's side. Kate pointed to the top left rib. Alexis gently rested her hand on Kate's shirt. For a second, there was stillness in the room. And then, like Johanna knew she had an audience, she kicked hard again. Alexis gasped and Kate giggled, actually _giggled_, and bit her lip.

They shared a look.

"Thanks, Kate," Alexis uttered after a moment. Her eyes searched around the room, looking anywhere but Kate's. "For everything. For understanding and for caring. Everything you said was true but, you forgot something." There was another nudge on Kate's stomach and Alexis watched as a bump, her sister's foot, made its way across her stepmother's belly. "I love Sparky too. I've always wanted a little sister." She shrugged and met Kate's eye again. "And now I have one."

* * *

><p>When Kate and Alexis returned, the loft had been completely transformed. Martha had managed to hang some banners with, 'It's a girl!' over the fireplace and in the doorway to the kitchen. Pink and green balloons were tied randomly throughout the living room. Alexis grinned and slid over to her grandmother's side while Kate took off her boots and hung up her coat. Even though it was April, there was still a bitter chill in the air; enough of a chill to make Kate freeze nearly all the time.<p>

"Wow, Martha, thank you," she breathed. "This is …" she searched for the word. "Lovely."

Martha waved her off, wrapping an arm around Alexis's waist. "It was nothing, dear," she replied. Kate walked over to her, in awe of the arrangement of the room. It looked like _Babies-R-Us_ had thrown up all over the loft. Martha confessed, "I know that you wanted something small without any frills or drama but you, dear, are a part of the Castle family, last name or not." She winked. "And with the Castes come frills and drama."

It was not expense nor was it elegant or classy, but the room looked perfect, if not a little cheesy.

Kate rolled her eyes and Martha snaked an arm around her waist. The three of them stood in the midst of absolute cuteness, with their arms wrapped around each other, for just a few moments. Then, the door rang and Martha broke away, flailing her arms, pronouncing that Kate and Alexis go sit down.

Kate and Alexis walked arm-in-arm back to the couch. Alexis helped Kate sit down on the couch and by the time they were both seated, Madison and Lanie sauntered into the room, baring platters of food and giant bags. They were chitchatting and Kate wondered if this was the first time they had meant. Then again, they were very similar – they were bound to become fast friends.

Martha came in right behind them with a tray of frosted oatmeal cookies Maddy had brought from her restaurant. After hugs and excited greetings were given, Kate was quick to pluck a cookie from the platter. Oatmeal cookies were her favorite and Maddy knew that. Thank God for that woman.

"So, Maddy, how is the restaurant?" Kate started, picking up another cookie.

Madison waved her off, rolling her eyes. "It's fine, Becks, everything is great," she replied off-handedly. "But, we're not here for chitchat. We're here to talk about _you_, and your _baby_ and all that girly stuff." Madison grinned and Kate scrunched her nose, looking to the rest of the girls, hoping for some kind of defense. They were giving her the same grin Madison was.

After a moment, Kate rolled her eyes and a small smile graced her lips, "Fine! We can talk about girly, baby stuff."

For the next half an hour, Kate told her friends how Rick found out she was pregnant – she had neglected to tell Martha and Alexis and they gasped right along with Lanie and Madison when she told them. Madison slapped her shoulder. They talked about Dr. Schmidt and finding out Sparky – Johanna – was a girl. Soon, Kate was tired of talking and done being the center of attention. Madison scurried off to the kitchen to get out another platter of cheeses and deli meats – nothing fancy, she said, but delightful all the same.

"Well, I guess it's time for presents," Lanie announced, slapping her hands on her knees. The girls had been relaxing, the trio of women overage and not pregnant enjoying wine while Kate and Alexis sipped sparkling grape juice. The cheese and meats were long gone as were all of the frosted oatmeal cookies. There had been a lull in conversation and Lanie knew it was the perfect time to hand out the gifts they had all prepared.

Kate felt guilt creep up in her throat.

"Guys, I really appreciate the gesture," she began, holding her hands up in a mercy position. "But –"

"But nothing," Alexis interjected, reaching around the couch to pull out a bright pink polka-dotted package. How had Kate not noticed that before now? "This is a baby shower." Kate was giving her stepdaughter a look, one that was often given to his father when he was being ridiculous. Alexis smirked, "I know you don't ever want presents but you should just take the graciously, Kate."

After a staring contest, Kate finally rolled her eyes and nodded. Alexis squirmed in her seat, excited and put her present down on Kate's lap first, calling it so. While Martha pulled out a small package from the crook of the large recliner she as sitting in, Madison and Lanie each reached to grab the giant bags they had brought in earlier.

Kate waited until everyone settled down. She rested the medium-sized package on her belly, right next to Anna's favorite rib. "I wonder what it is," she smiled when she felt her baby shift slightly. She shared a glance with Alexis and told her, "I think she already knows what presents are." Martha gave Kate a knowing smile. Lanie and Madison sighed, resting their heads together, like they were watching a sappy chick flick.

Perhaps they were Kate mused before tearing into the paper. Unwrapped, she stared down at a white box, taped along the edges. After slowly working at the tape to tease the girls, she opened the top of the box and, under a pile of tissue paper, pulled out an old, ratty stuffed monkey.

She immediately knew who this particular monkey was and looked at Alexis. To say she was surprised was putting it lightly. Alexis smiled, rubbing her fingers together nervously.

"I know you and Dad decided to make the room with an elephant theme," she explained, careful to keep her eyes locked on Kate. She failed and looked at the stuffed monkey. "But, I wanted to give Johanna something that meant a lot to me. He just seemed like the right thing."

She ended, looking back up at Kate.

_Damn hormones_, Kate thought, feeling her throat clog. Her eyes were suspiciously glassed over as she whispered, "Monkey Bunky. Thank you, Alexis. She'll love it." In order to keep the tears at bay, Kate gently rested the stuffed monkey back into its box then looked up at Madison and Lanie. "What do you got for me, ladies?" she asked with a smirk.

The two mumbled under their collective breaths, clearing their throats and sniffling. They had no idea who 'Monkey Bunky' was but they had a pretty good idea to what it meant. They quickly handed Kate their large packages.

Inside Madison's bag, Kate found a book on being a mother, clothes with all shades of pink and green, along with an Easy Bake Oven. She laughed, "Maddy, do you think she'll be cooking out of the womb?" The girls all laughed.

"_No_," Madison defended herself, grinning. "I just want to get a head-start on the career choice. You can keep it in the back of Johanna's closet for a time when she's ready for Aunt Maddy to teach her the basics of the perfect …" She paused. "Uh, artificial cookie." Kate rolled her eyes and grazed her thumb across the top of the box. "Besides, do you know how hard it was to find that thing? They don't sell them just anywhere anymore! I had to make a few calls."

Kate chuckled and placed the present on floor. "Well, thank you, Maddy," she said, pleased. "I'm sure that Johanna will love the lessons."

Lanie's present was next. The bag was heavy when Lanie handed it over. Kate grunted and set in on the coffee table in front of her with quite a bit of effort. Lanie covered her smile while Kate pulled out the tissue paper, making sure to toss some onto Alexis to mess with her.

In this package was a whole nursery set of blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals – all elephant themed. The quilt looked hand-stitched and Lanie confirmed this saying, "I had it done by an old high school friend who specializes in baby quilts and nursery items."

Digging further into the bag, Kate found a couple of blank picture frames with elephants decorating the sides. "For family pictures," Lanie said, as Kate ran her fingers across the sculpted elephants, painted with pristine. Kate glanced up at her friend and gave her a soft smile. "Thank you, Lanie," she whispered, looking back down at the picture frame. Between the baby elephants and African sky, she saw her reflection.

She looked … happy. She was scared and tired, irritable and still horny but she _was_ happy. It made her laugh to think that seven months ago she didn't want to pregnant. Having this giant bump and the waddle-like walk and the glow and the big boobs and all the other new aspects that came with pregnancy seemed to be a part of her now. When Johanna kicked her, she wasn't even surprised any more … that is, unless she kicked really, _really_ hard.

She almost couldn't imagine what she felt like before.

"Okay, my turn," Martha proclaimed. Kate was snapped out of her revere and smiled, glancing at her mother-in-law. She gently put the picture frame back on top of the baby comforter and then was handed a last present. It was a tiny bag decked with pictures of pink flower and glitter. Totally Martha-esque.

Kate pulled out just one sheet of tissue paper and inside there was a small velvet box. Kate glanced up at Martha, who was smiling, and then opened the box. Inside rested a diamond pendant – it was one of those mother's pendants almost all moms wore around their necks, on rings, or bracelets. It was shaped like a girl with pig tails and a dress. It was very cute and totally not Kate.

But that was what made Kate love it.

It was cute, adorable, cheesy, and absolutely perfect.

She looked up at Martha. "I thought you could put it on the chain your mother's ring is on," she commented, taking a sip of red wine. "I made sure the silvers matched so you don't have to worry about them clashing."

"Oh, Martha," she whispered, taking another look at her pendant. Alexis peeked over her shoulder while Lanie and Madison were once again bubbling messes, trying to sneak a peek as well. "Thank you. It must have … cost a fortune." She tried to protest, "I can't …"

Martha waved her off. "You can and most certainly will," she affirmed. "I have been waiting to give that to you for months. Take it graciously, darling, and let Alexis put it on that chain."

Immediately, Kate huffed in defeat and then handed the box to Alexis. She worked on unhooking her chain while Martha continued to smile and sip wine, like she knew a secret no one else did. That woman was full of wonder, Kate had always thought … that must have been where Rick got it.

When Alexis wrapped back around her neck, Kate felt the familiar chill of her mother's ring now accompanied with a new addition. "Now," Martha claimed, "even after birth, Johanna will always be with you. Both of them."

* * *

><p>Late that night, Kate was taking off her necklace when she felt Rick snaked his arms from behind. She leaned back into his chest and they both stared at the pendant together. "Not really your style," he commented idly, before kissing up her neck.<p>

She reached and slapped him on the chest, before setting it down in her jewelry box. "Shut up, it's perfect," she defended. "Your mother was absolutely wonderful. And Alexis," she added as an afterthought. She turned her head and he spun her around in his arms so they were facing one another. She kissed his nose. "Alexis gave Sparky Monkey Bunky."

"Did she?" Rick grinned.

He always did that when she and Alexis did anything together – talked, ate dinner, watched movies, and the like.

"She did," she confirmed.

For a second they stood there, separated only by air and their baby. Then, he gently removed his hands from her waist and rested them on her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around his back. He pressed his lips against hers – they moved slowly, without hurry or aggression. Because of Kate's needs, they hadn't enjoyed this slowly and comfortable kissing – it was always fast-paced and hard.

She liked this.

"I like this," she repeated her thoughts out loud.

He rested his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes, breathing in the smell of him. "I like this too," he agreed, before pulling her in to one of the best hugs she had ever received.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

**The end was kind of spur-of-the-moment but Rick always likes to participate in at least one part of the chapter. :) ****So, Monkey Bunky. It took me FOREVER to find out that name. I knew Alexis was going to give Kate something personal and I remembered the stuffed animal, however, I couldn't find it anywhere! Finally, after an hour of searching, I found it on a weird Wikipedia site. Haha. Have a fantastic week! Thank you SO much for reading!**

**Until next Wednesday,  
><strong>**Lizzy**


	12. Boom!

**I don't own Castle.**

* * *

><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 12 – Boom!<em>

* * *

><p>It was in early June when Captain Gates called Beckett into her office.<p>

"Yes, Sir?" she asked at the threshold, peeking inside. Captain Gates waved her in and, after closing the door firmly behind her, Kate settled herself down in the seat before her captain.

Her superior scribbled a bit on the paperwork she was hovering over, and then she set down her pen and looked up at Kate. She was wearing a strange expression that put Kate on edge. "I just got a phone call from your Dr. Schmidt," she started. Kate's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

"I don't understand, Sir," she said carefully after a pause, feeling like she was walking on eggshells.

Captain Gates clarified, "He recommended I send you home on bed rest for the last two weeks of your pregnancy." Kate took in a large amount of air, enough to make her chest puff out, before Gates cut her off with a raised hand. "I know, Detective, how you feel. I know that you might go insane, staying home that long. I've heard all your excuses before." Captain Gates lowered her eyes. "However, this is an order, Detective. You look like you're going to explode any second."

As if on cue, they both shifted their eyes to Kate's protruding belly. 38 weeks. She had two more weeks until her due date. She had gained so much weight since her baby shower just a little over a month ago – even her maternity clothes were starting to get tight. Kate sighed – she knew Captain Gates was right. She actually could get more done at home than she could at the Precinct anyway.

At the bullpen, she had to sit at her table and look at the whiteboard. Instead of chasing down suspects, she was checking her email and making phone calls to Lanie down in the morgue. Sure, she gathered financials and phone records for her trio of boys, but she couldn't go anywhere. Even _Castle_ continued to go raids and she had stay in her chair, swiveling around while looking at the ceiling.

At home, however, she could be far more productive. She could be refolding the baby outfits that had compiled into the thousands over the past eight months. She could be catching up on _Temptation Lane_ or reading James Patterson's new Alex Cross novel. She could be twiddling her thumbs on her comfortable couch rather than her stiff desk chair. She could be eating blueberry pancakes instead of the three-week old peanuts she found in the back of one of her drawers.

She knew that Captain Gates was right. She just did not want to admit it. At home, at work, anywhere, she was basically a ticking time bomb – she could sit and wait but that was pretty much it.

Finally, she sighed. "Okay," she mumbled, defeated.

Captain Gates gave her a small smile. "Before you go, Detective," she commented, pulling out an envelope from under her pile of paperwork. Kate pursed her lips together and gave her superior a look. Gates rolled her eyes and urged, "It's cheesy but I wanted you to have it." She handed the card to Kate, with a hidden smile.

Kate relaxed in her chair and pulled open the envelope.

Inside was a card, decorated with pink elephants and glitter. Kate held a small smile as she opened it. It merely said, "Congratulations" on the inside cover with a Mommy elephant and Baby elephant snuggling with each other. It was signed, however, with the beautiful elegance that was Victoria Gates' handwriting. She had signed for her and her husband – her children, however, scratched their names down with precision, making them look absolutely perfect. They were seven now and unquestionably adorable.

_What would Johanna be like when she was seven?_

"Thank you, Captain," Kate whispered, sliding the card back into its envelope.

The shared another look. It seemed that over the past months, they were getting along better than ever. Sure, they still fought, glared, and spat at each other when they were pissed. However, it was more out of sisterly affection rather than enemy spite. Captain Gates was one of the only women in the force who had children – and now that Kate was soon joining her, they understood how hard this job was for a mother.

"You're welcome, Detective," she replied, setting her glasses on the tip of her nose. "I expect you to be out of here in the next five minutes or else I will bench you for a month after your maternity leave ends."

And just like that, they were all business.

Kate stood up and made her way to the door but not before whispering under her breath, "Yes, _Sir_."

* * *

><p>"Come on, Castle," Kate greeted, coming out of Captain Gates' office. He was twirling in her chair, staring up at the ceiling with his mouth ajar. The boys were interrogating their suspect and Castle said he was going to stay behind and look through financials one last time.<p>

Oh, what a lie that was.

"Why?" he whined, stopping to look up at her. She saw his fingers twitch on the armrests of her chair – he liked to greet her by touching her belly, hoping to feel Sparky move or kick or breathe, even though the little one had grown so big she could hardly move any more. It was creepy but, like always, a sugary sweetness Kate secretly adored. At the Precinct, however, the PDA was on hold – it frustrated Rick and amused Kate.

"Because," she replied, gathering up files, leaning over him in the process. She shut down her desktop computer and stood up straight, giving him a look. "Captain Gates kicked me out. Apparently, Dr. Schmidt said I should be on bed rest for the last two weeks of my pregnancy." She lowered her eyes and pursed her lips. "And if I'm kicked out, you're kicked out too."

He pouted.

"What's with the puppy face, Castle?" Esposito asked, coming up to them.

Kate answered, "He's upset because Gates kicked me out for bed rest and he has to come too."

"Sucks, man," Ryan whispered, coming up behind his partner. Kate gave him a look and Ryan, after pausing to take in her expression, looked away nervously. Kate bit the inside of her cheek, trying to suppress her smile. She loved giving Ryan crap; he was so easy – almost easier than Castle.

"Did you get the guy to confess?" Kate asked, picking up the last of her paperwork. The boys nodded and Ryan produced a box that had been resting on the other side of her desk.

"About to pack up everything for filing later."

"Good," she replied. She zipped up her briefcase and gave her husband a look. He was still giving her a pouty face. She had seen this many times: when he had to write and couldn't come to the crime scenes with her; when he wanted to take her to Paris two years ago and she told him no, because she wanted to take off more time that Christmas; when he wanted to buy her 10,000-dollar diamond earrings just because she glanced at them.

"Come on, Castle," she repeated.

She expected an argument. However, he didn't make a fuss. Instead, he stood up and took her briefcase from her. "Let's go, then, M'lady," he offered his arm to her. She rolled her eyes, bit her lip, and then wrapped her arm under his. "Hungry?" he asked her as they made their way to the elevator, leaving the boys smiling like loons behind them.

"A burger does sound nice," she teased idly, pushing the button for the elevator. She knew he hated when she mentioned wanting to eat greasy food – it was bad for the _baby_.

The elevator pinged open before Castle had a chance to respond. They walked inside the empty elevator and the doors closed. She leaned up against Rick's chest and he immediately wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I love you," she mumbled into his shirt. She looked up. "But you are not coming here until I get to. That is just totally not fair."

He kissed her nose. "I won't," he promised, giving her one of his crooked grins she loved.

Suddenly, the lights in the elevator flickered out and the elevator made a whooshing sound. Kate stepped away from Rick and they shared a wide-eyed look. "Did the …" she started.

"Yeah," he replied, rushing to the panel beside the doors, pushing the buttons at random. "The elevator just went out." He tried to peek through the cracks of the elevator. Kate watched with pursed lips and crossed arms. He pushed the open button on the panel next to the doors. "I have a bad feeling about this, Beckett," he complained, looking back at her.

She rolled her eyes and came forward, resting a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be fine. We'll just call …"

Suddenly, she gasped loudly. He spun around to find her bent over, hands pressed up against her knees. "Cas," she rasped. "Rick … I think." She took a deep breath and gave him a scared look. "I think my water just broke."

"What?" he shrieked and squatted down in front of her, taking into account the wetness that was now seeping across the floor. "But, you're two weeks early! _Kate_!"

She glared at him. "What, Castle? I can't control it. Johanna is coming and she is coming _now_. Get us the hell out of this elevator before _you_ have to deliver her!" Kate was breathing heavy he backed her up against the wall of the elevator. Slowly, he lowered her to the floor. As soon as she was seated, he whipped his phone out of his pocket. He hit speed dial and Esposito was quick to pick up.

"What's up, Castle?" Esposito greeted with obvious confusion.

"Kate is going into labor," he told him in a rushed tone. "And the elevator is stuck. We need to get her the hell out of her here. Now."

There was only a brief moment of hesitation before he replied, "Got it."

As if on cue, the elevator opened again. However, instead of being on the ground level of the Twelfth, they were half-way hidden by the inside wall of the elevator – only the top half exposed the Precinct. "Oh, my God," Rick commented. There was a flurry of activity from above. Ryan appeared before them and said, "Just got off the phone with maintenance. They'll be up here in just a second. Hold on, guys."

Beckett roared, "Tell them to hurry the hell up or I will kill them." Ryan gave her a wide-eyed look. "And I mean bloody. Freaking knives and machetes, Ryan. Hurry them up."

Castle had rushed to her side and was rubbing her shoulder gently. He looked at Ryan with a scared expression. "Help me," he mouthed, just quiet enough so Kate couldn't hear – however, Ryan understood. He nodded and then disappeared.

They could hear people rushing to the half-exposed elevator, wondering who was making the muffled shrieks. They heard Captain Gates come out of her office and tell everyone to get the hell back to work before she bumped them all down to traffic. The noise muffled but didn't dissipate completely. "Kate," she materialized above them. "They're coming right now. Hold on, Detective. Don't you dare have that baby in an elevator."

Kate cackled. Rick gently rubbed the sweat from her forehead and off her cheeks. He couldn't tell if she was just sweating or crying. "I'm so … _hot_, Castle," she told him after the pain subsided enough to make a coherent thought. She panted, trying to get some air back into her lungs. The elevator wall was cold against her back – Castle's body, on the other hand, was _hot_.

"Breathe slowly, Kate," he whispered hotly into her ear. "You don't want to hyperventilate."

Kate listened but it didn't help. She continued to put air in her body as fast as she possibly could. Her heart was racing – faster than it was the first time Rick kissed her all those years ago. She felt sweat roll down her back like the rain had when Rick spun her around in the parking lot of the Old Haunt, calling out for the city to hear that they were becoming parents. Rick continued to rub her shoulders and she wanted to thank him. But at the moment she opened her mouth, instead of expressing thanks, she groaned again. The pain was back and it was a _bitch_.

She grabbed Castle's hand and squeezed it as tight as she possible could. Rick winced but she didn't hear him.

Finally, Ryan appeared again at the head of the elevator. "Hold on, Beckett," he called down to her. She writhed in pain and turned away from his voice. Rick held his gaze. "The door is going to shut and when it opens again, you'll be back here on the Twelfth. They're going to shut down the elevators after that so you guys will have to take the stairs."

Rick was nodding and Kate wasn't listening, she was still trying to breathe properly under the pain.

The elevator shut again and the lights flickered back on. "Scream, Kate," Rick whispered hotly into her ear. He knew she was trying to hide her pain in front of her coworkers. "Come on, babe. Scream."

She whipped her head and grabbed onto his shirt. She screamed loudly into his shirt for the brief moment that the door was shut. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight, trying to muffle her pain.

What felt like two hours was, in reality, only two seconds when the doors opened one last time to the floor of the Twelfth. Immediately, Esposito and Ryan rushed inside. Lanie was somewhere behind them, pushing through on looking detectives. They helped Kate to her feet. She staggered out of the elevator with the guys helping her. After they got into the entrance of the Precinct, Esposito and Ryan let go of Kate's arms and booked it down the stairs to get a car ready. Lanie was quick behind them, touching Kate on the arm to let her know that she was there. Kate looked up at her straggling coworkers with a wild gaze. They all spun around and retreated quickly to their desks.

"Come on, Kate," Castle muttered into her hair. She nodded, trying to stay upright but failing miserably. She was leaning heavily on her husband and he was almost carrying her as is. "When we get to the stairwell, I'll carry you, Kate," he told her as they shuffled to the stairwell entrance. He knew that she didn't want to show any kind of weakness in front of the other detectives but in the stairwell, it would be just the two of them.

She nodded.

The elevator door shut with an uncharacteristically cheery 'ping!' behind them.

* * *

><p>The next thing Kate knew, she was lying in a bed inside the hospital.<p>

She remembered the sirens of Esposito's cop car, Lanie and him arguing over the best route to get to the hospital as quickly as possible. She remembered Ryan say that he was going to pick up Alexis, Martha, and Jim. She remembered wanting to throw up as the car swerved through traffic. But mostly, she remembered screaming at Castle.

She was still screaming at him now.

"Oh, my God, Castle, this is worse than getting shot," she hissed as he intertwined his fingers through hers again. She squirmed as the nurses tried to stick an IV in her arm. "We are never having sex again. _Ever_."

The nurses gave him a look and he smiled guiltily.

Everything was a blur of white and beeping. Dr. Schmidt burst through the doors, clipboard in hand, smiley as ever. "Mr. Castle, Ms. Beckett," he greeted. He came up to the opposite side of where Rick was sitting and leaned over her. He and a remaining nurse exchanged a few words Kate didn't bother trying to hear.

"How are you, Ms. Beckett?" he asked her, eyes catching hers. "A bit early, I see."

"Better when the drugs kick in," she confessed, trying to hide the pain.

Dr. Schmidt nodded. "Well, they should be working any second now," he reassured. "You're not quite dilated enough to push but we'll just wait for a half hour or so and check again. Okay?"

Kate, despite her new-knowledge of labors from the sixteen-week baby classes, shrieked, "Half an hour? This has to go on for another half hour?" Dr. Schmidt gave her a knowing smile and then turned to Rick. Rick gave him a small smile in return, gently brushing back Kate's hair with his free hand. The other hand was currently turning purple from her death grip.

Dr. Schmidt left after a couple of moments then more visitors came through the doors. Esposito and Lanie came rushed inside. Lanie hurried to Kate's side, telling her how proud she was and what a great mother she would be. Esposito looked uncomfortable so they didn't stay long.

Just a few seconds after they left, Alexis burst through the doors and rushed to her dad's side, giving him a quick side-hug. Then, she gently leaned over Kate, her red hair tickling her forearm. "Hey, Lex," she managed, the pain somewhat subsiding as the medicine kicked in. "Hello, Martha." Martha took her free hand and squeezed it gently.

"How are you, dear?" Martha asked gently.

Kate returned her question with a small smile and, "As good as labor can get" with a small laugh. Alexis rested a hand on Kate's shoulder. Kate looked up at her stepdaughter, suddenly remembering their conversation the day of her baby shower almost two months before. "Are you ready to have a baby sister?" she whispered.

Alexis gave her a grin and replied, "Absolutely, Kate."

Before anyone had the chance to say anything more, Jim Beckett came through the door, looking almost as disheveled as he had the day Kate was shot. "Katie," he addressed, coming up to the side Martha was standing on. The woman removed herself from Kate's side and retreated to the foot of the bed. Jim took Kate's hand in his own and whispered, "How are you feeling, Katie?"

She gave her father a tired smile, sweat dripping off the strands of hair Rick hadn't brushed back. "I'm … okay, Dad," she claimed. "Just … tired. Ready for this baby to come out."

Her father laughed, the warmth filling up every corner of the white, impersonal room. "I bet you are," he agreed, and then his gaze shifted to Rick. "When Katie was born, I remember her mother screaming at me, blaming me for the world's problems. I'm assuming that her daughter's the same way?"

Rick pursed his lips as Kate whipped her head to the other side, giving her husband a look. "Remember, I know where you sleep at night," she told him sternly. Alexis' eyes shifted to her father, an awkward expression gracing her features. Martha coughed, trying to stifle a cackle bubbling in her throat.

After a pause, Rick shook his head.

A few minutes later, Dr. Schmidt burst through the doors once more. He shooed the family, minus Rick, out to the waiting room. With calls of "Good luck!" and "We love you both!" it was soon just a chorus of white-dressed women and Dr. Schmidt in the room with them. Kate felt her stomach clench again the pain came back with another full round. She moaned and turned into Rick's shoulder, trying to stifle the cries of agony.

God, having a baby hurt.

"Okay, it looks like you're ready, Ms. Beckett," Dr. Schmidt. A nurse pulled up a chair. Two poles were attached to the bed and a blue tarp was placed, so Kate couldn't see her legs spread out in front of her. "On three, I want you to push, Ms. Beckett," he told her, head disappearing below the tarp.

Kate looked at Rick.

He grinned at her.

"One."

He raised their fisted hands, much like he had when they were nearly blown to bits when the dirty bomb was about to tick 'zero' in front of their eyes. "I love you," he whispered, his eyes shining.

"Two."

Kate nodded and leaned her head back against the bed, taking a deep breath. She declared, "I love you too, Rick." Then, she squeezed his hand even harder and he squeezed back with as much force. She closed her eyes and braced herself for the final syllable.

"Three."

Kate pushed. She felt Rick brush back her hair back with his free hand. She clenched her teeth and tried not to scream, recalling from their classes that if a woman was screaming, she was not pushing. She groaned loudly, and then Dr. Schmidt told her take a small break.

The second time she pushed, she briefly heard the sound of rain hitting the window outside. She heard Rick whispering into her ear, though she couldn't process what he was saying. She turned her focus solely on the process of pushing and relaxing, pushing and relaxing.

"I see the head," Dr. Schmidt announced, encouraging Kate to continue. After a moment of breathing, he told her, "One more push, Ms. Beckett, and you will get to meet your daughter."

_Meet her daughter._

Kate was going to meet her daughter with just one more push.

That next moment was just a second to the world. It was just a breath to the people she had left behind in the waiting room. It was just a push to the hospital staff in Kate's room. It was one more squeeze for Rick. But, for Kate, everything changed in just that one moment. Suddenly, she was no longer a woman. She was a mother.

She was a mother.

Her mother never told her that having a baby was painful. Her mother never told her what it was like to see your baby for the first time and know that it was yours. Her mother never said that such a small being could be so perfect. Her mother never told her the love that rocked a mother to the core upon seeing that face for the first time.

A wailing entered the room.

Kate sighed as the hospital staff became a flurry of motion. Rick was kissing her cheeks, wiping away the sweat from her forehead with his hands. She let go of his hand briefly to also rub her hair back. The wailing was loud and piercing but Kate had never heard a more perfect sound.

In just a moment, Kate became a mother.

She glanced at Rick. He was giving her a look she couldn't even begin to describe. He was grinning, his laugh lines crinkling around his eyes. His teeth were radiant, even against the white of room. All good adjectives could describe the emotions on his face: happiness, pride, absolute love.

"Would you like to cut the cord, Dad?" Dr. Schmidt asked from across the room.

Rick's chest puffed out with hesitation. His eyes shifted from radiance to uncertainty, waiting for her permission, not wanting to leave her alone for a second. Kate gave him a small, tired smile and then nodded to their doctor.

He gave her a wet kiss on the lips then scurried away. The shrieking that had subsided came back with full force with the snapping of the scissors. Kate leaned her head back, closing her eyes, feeling exhaustion override all her senses.

When she blinked her eyes open again, she saw Rick holding a bundle of pink blankets. He gently raised his arms full of a pink bundling blanket and set it gently into her arms. The wailing stopped at once. "Congratulations, Ms. Beckett, Mr. Castle," called Dr. Schmidt. "Say hello to your daughter."

Kate didn't hear him. She was too busy looking at the perfect face in front of her. Her nose was like a button – so small and pink and beautiful. Her beautiful dark blue eyes were wide, looking around the room with an interested expression, already detecting what the world looked like outside her mother's womb. Her beautiful mouth was open just slightly, pouting a bit. Her beautiful skin was pink and the little tuft of hair she had was matted.

Kate had never seen anything more perfect.

"Hello," Rick said quietly, leaning over Kate to stare at the face of their daughter. "Hello, Johanna, it's your daddy." He looked at Kate and gave her a kiss on the nose. "Say hi, Mommy."

Kate broke out her reserve and then looked back down at her daughter. "Hi, Johanna," she whispered. The whole world seemed to disappear as Johanna's eyes shifted to Kate's, her little ears perking at the sound of her mother's voice. She knew that voice. She knew Kate's voice. "She's looking at me, Rick," she announced, shifting her arms just a bit, trying to bring her baby even closer. "God, she's perfect, Rick. She's absolutely perfect."

She felt his lips pressing up against her earlobe.

"I love you," he whispered hotly into her ear.

Kate watched as Johanna's eyes slowly fluttered shut. Her baby sunk lower in her arms, getting comfortable for her first nap. Kate felt her throat clog as she watched. Tears made everything blurry. This was her daughter. She and Rick had created this perfect human being with their love and passion and just a dash of their carelessness – or eagerness – of the night so many nights ago. They had made her. Now, almost nine months later, she was holding the material version of their love. Their baby. How could Kate ever be anxious about having this child?

She was perfect.

Finally, she turned to Rick. "I love you, too."

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

**And so, this is the chapter we've all been waiting for! It is baby Johanna/Anna/Sparky's arrival. I hope you enjoyed it. I knew from the beginning Kate was going to end up in that dang elevator because I thought it'd be fun. Haha. This was a blast to write and I hope everyone had just as much fun reading it.  
><strong>**Next chapter, I've decided, will be the last chapter. Don't worry – it will be long … maybe even the longest of the story but it will be the last. I can't believe this adventure is almost complete!  
><strong>**I am so excited to share my next story with you after this one is complete! Please, look forward to it! If you want to follow me on Twitter or Tumblr, the links are on my profile.**

**Until next Wednesday,  
>Lizzy<strong>


	13. Epilogue

**I don't own Castle.**

* * *

><p><strong>Title<strong>: What My Mother Never Told Me

**Rating**: T+

**Description**: Kate Beckett didn't want to be a mother. Her job was dangerous; the thought of leaving her child alone in the world was too much to bear. However, it might be a risk she is willing to take to see what brings such a smile to Rick Castle's face.

* * *

><p><em>Epilogue<em>

* * *

><p>The nightlight gave the room a magical glow.<p>

Kate leaned over her daughter and brushed the auburn hair away from her eyes. She gently kissed her on the forehead. Johanna Emily Castle's nose scrunched upon contact and she snuggled deeper into her bed, clutching her favorite stuffed animal of the week: a T-Rex Alexis had bought her when they went to the museum the previous Sunday. There was a collection of other animals, Monkey Bunkey among them that watched over Anna, just as her mother did.

Kate sat back down in the chair she had dragged over so she could tell Anna her story. She watched her little girl sleep. She used to think that it was creepy when Rick watched her do paperwork or meaningless tasks. However, as she sat, watching her daughter's eyes flutter and her chest move up and down, she reminded herself once again that it wasn't creepy at all. It was comforting, watching the person you love do the simplest things. It was nice – just knowing they were breathing.

Now that she thought about it, it _was_ still kind of creepy.

"How far did she get?" a voice asked from behind her.

She didn't turn her head or even bat an eyelash at the voice. She wondered how long he had been standing there, watching them. "Only to when she found out she was a girl," she replied, hearing his socked feet pad closer to her. "I was just thinking about the rest of it." She chuckled quietly, remembering when Anna was just a day shy of three-months old at the seventh Nikki Heat novel, _The Heat is On_, book-release party.

* * *

><p><em>Kate never pictured herself as the bumbling mother with a baby in one arm and a car seat in another with a diaper bag resting on her shoulder. However, here she was doing just that. Anna slept peacefully while Kate looked around for a place to sit. Her Tadashi Shoji cocktail dress tugged uncomfortably as the bag pulled on her shoulder.<em>

_"Kate!" she heard Rick call from the ground._

_Like the Red Sea, people parted as he came jogging to them. He took the diaper bag and car seat off her hands. He leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the mouth. Anna rustled in her blanket. "How are you?" he asked. She bit her lip and sighed, the busy day catching up to her finally. _

_"Tired," she admitted. "Sparky's been fussing since I got home and we got absolutely _nowhere_ on the case today." She gave him a small. "I could use a drink."_

_"I will get right on that," he nodded, eyes searching the room for a waiter._

_At that moment, Alexis came up to them. "Hey, Kate!" she greeted, kissing her stepmother on the cheek. "How's Anna?" At Kate's distressed expression and tired eyes, she bit her lip and nodded sheepishly. She then held out her arms. "I can take Anna off your hands then, for a while."_

_Kate smiled guilty and passed her child. Immediately, Alexis started cooing and talking to her still-sleeping sister. She took her to her date, Eric, and introduced him to 'the' Anna he had been hearing about for months. Kate watched the scene until a stifled cough brought her out of her thoughts. She turned her head to see a glass of white champagne handed to her._

_Rick smiled. She blinked heavily, and then downed the drink in one swallow_

_And eyebrow of her husband rose._

_She rolled her eyes in response and set her empty glass on a tray that was passing them. Slowly, Rick walked forward and rested his hands gently on her hips. "I'm sorry I've been busy," he uttered, kissing the corner of her mouth. She sighed then snaked her arms around his neck._

_"Not your fault," she affirmed. "It's just been a busy week. Our daughter is beautiful but sometimes she can be like her father." He gave her a crooked smile, leaning in so their lips were nearly pressed against one another._

_"Oh, yeah?" he took the bait. "Charming and ruggedly handsome?"_

_"You wish."_

_Then she pushed the back of his head so his lips came crashing down against hers. _

* * *

><p>She felt him lean over her shoulder and kiss her ear. "It's a beautiful story," he whispered hotly. She closed her eyes and shivered, biting her lip. Somehow, even after all these years together, he managed to have her blushing and shivering and wanting him. It had a little over six weeks since they <em>been together<em> and she was excited to be cleared to finally feel him again.

"Mind out of gutter, Beckett," he nipped her earlobe and she looked up at him, grinning.

"You wish, Castle," she retorted, failing to hide the lustful darkness in her eyes.

Then she noticed the bundle of blue blankets he was holding. She gave him a look, wondering how he managed to arouse her and hold a baby at the same time. He grinned in response, silently communicating that he just had many talents. She held her arms out and he passed the blankets to her.

"He woke up," he explained. "You were telling Sparky her baby story so I heated up a bottle. He only fussed a little bit when he realized it was Daddy and not Mommy."

Kate looked down at her son's sleeping face. He looked identical to the pictures of his sister when she was only six weeks old. The only difference was his eyes hadn't turned hazel like his sisters – they stayed bright blue. Alexander Westley Castle, despite looking like his father, was partial to his mother. For some reason Rick could hardly hold him without him screaming. Anna had totally been a Daddy's girl – she slept on Rick's chest for hours. There was no such scenario when it came to her little boy.

Rick started to rub her shoulder gently. "Excited about going back to work tomorrow?" he asked when she rested back and looked to his eyes. He leaned down and kissed her on the nose.

"Yeah," she replied. "You're way better at being Mom than I am."

He narrowed his eyes. "Did you just degrade my manhood?"

She smirked. "Maybe."

* * *

><p>"<em>Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, Anna!"<em>

_The Precinct chorused as the now five-year old Anna twirled around in her mother's desk chair. All the uniforms, detectives, family, and even Captain Gates all clapped as Esposito and Ryan brought out the giant cake, decorated with the iced picture of the Twelfth's symbol._

_Anna giggled and clapped her hands together._

_"Lexi, look! I got a police cake!" she called out to her big sister. Alexis, who had turned 25 years old just a few months before, leaned over her sister, her long red hair mixing with Anna's brown locks._

_"I told them that was the one you wanted," she winked at her dad and stepmom who were standing off to the side shaking their heads at the same time. Anna had insisted – for _months_ – on a police-themed cake. She wanted her party at the Precinct. She wanted toy handcuffs so she could arrest her stuffed animals when they were "being bad." _

_This was what happened when a detective and a crime-novelist reproduced. They thought it was endearing, though most thought it was a recipe for disaster. _

_Alexis stepped back as Eric, her boyfriend of four years, came forward with a knife to cut pieces for distributing. They shared a look then he cut into the Marble cake with vanilla icing. Soon the cake was scattered amongst the Precinct and everyone ate and chatted happily. _

_Alexis kissed a bit of frosting that had managed to wipe itself on Eric's cheek during the process of handing out police-theme plates of cake. Martha was chatting up some other detectives who all wanted to hear of her escapades in the theater. Ryan was clearing off a large space at his table while is one-year-old son, Aiden, clapped his chubby hands in anticipation of the sweet treat; Jenny watched her husband in amusement. Lanie and Esposito managed to disappear, newlyweds they were. Captain Gates was conversing with her husband while her kids ate their pieces in her office, excited because their mother hardly let them inside. _

_Cake was consumed and a giant stack of presents was waiting on the floor in front of Kate's desk. Anna was led around the corner and happily tore open the wrapping. A police woman costume, fake handcuffs, and other police memorabilia settled amongst the traditional girly presents like dolls and coloring books. Anna managed to thank everyone, even running up to give each person a hug, jumping up and down with excitement. _

_Finally, there was a small present left from just Rick and Kate._

_They had been sitting in front of their daughter, scooping up wrapping and tissue paper, stuffing it into a yellow trash bag. Now, they each scooted so they were on either side of their daughter, leaning back against Kate's desk. The duo watched as their daughter tore into the blue wrapping and, out of a white box, pulled out a pair of blue baby booties._

_She gave her parents a look. "What's this, Mommy?" she asked Kate first._

_Kate smiled as everyone else in the room gasped in shock. "Those are baby shoes," she told her daughter._

"_You know how you said you wanted a baby brother or sister for your birthday," Rick interjected, touching Kate on the shoulder. They shared a look. "Well, happy birthday, kiddo. Your Mommy is pregnant!"_

_Anna's face shined as she jumped up and down, hugging and kissing each of her parents. The Precinct cheered, whooping and hollering and clapping for the new addition to the Castle family. _

* * *

><p>"Here, I'll put him to bed … you must exhausted," Rick said after a pause. Kate smiled sleepily and handed her son back to her husband. He started cooing and whispering to the little one and left Kate alone. She rubbed her palms along her sweat pants and stood up. She decided to move the chair in the morning because she didn't want the noise to wake her daughter.<p>

She pulled her hair to one shoulder and then leaned down, kissing Anna on the temple. "Love you, Johanna," she whispered, feeling the cold metal of her mother's ring and two mother's pendants bouncing against her neck.

"Love you too, Mommy," her daughter mumbled, falling deeper into her pillow.

* * *

><p>"<em>Can we really make his middle name 'Westley'?" Rick asked, bouncing his knee in anticipation.<em>

_Kate rolled her eyes and shrugged off the question. "Alexis's middle name is Harper from _To Kill a Mockingbird_. Johanna's middle name is Emily for Emily Dickenson. We might as well round off the entertainment industry-themed middle names with Westley from _The Princess Bride_."_

_Ricks smiled and kissed her protruding belly peeking out from under their comforter. "So, Alexander Westley Castle," Rick repeated their son's name, resting a palm flat on her night shirt._

_"Alexander Westley Castle," she confirmed, giving him a kiss on the shoulder. _

_As Rick laid his head down by her belly and talked to Alexander, she reached up and clasped the necklace around her neck. Her mother's ring was accompanied by two mother's pendants now – joining the small girl with pigtails was a small boy of the same brand. _

* * *

><p>Kate collapsed on the couch, waiting for Rick to come downstairs after putting their son to bed. It had been a long day today. It was her last day before heading back to her day-job in the morning. Alexander seemed to have known – despite his presence on earth for a mere six weeks – and was fussy and awake since three that morning.<p>

She glanced at the digital clock by the television and '11:02' blinked back at her. When had it gotten so late? God, she was turning into Castle if she had stayed up that late to tell a story.

She had managed to close her eyes for a brief three seconds before the shrill sound of her ringtone claimed her attention. She leaned on her side and reached for the cell phone, too lazy to get up, walk over, and get it like an active person. She saw on the caller ID it was Alexis.

"Lex," she greeted with confusion. She glanced at the clock. 11:04. Didn't Alexis have to court in the morning? What was she doing up so late? Alexis had graduated NYU's Law school the previous summer and had gotten a job where she had done her internship for the previous year. She worked in civil cases, a similar job to that of Kate's mother. She was damn good at her job. Kate and Rick had gone on her first case, creeping in the back, watching her ask all the right questions.

She won that case.

"Kate," she breathed, excitement laced in her voice.

"What is it? Don't you know what time it is," Kate chided. "I thought you had a case in the morning."

Alexis sighed. "I do, but, I have an announcement." There was a pregnant pause and Kate bit her lip in anticipation. "Eric proposed! Kate, I'm getting married!"

Kate's eyes went wide and she tried not to scream for fear of alerting the rest of her household. "Lex, that's great! Congratulations! How did he do it?"

She had Eric had been best friend turned boyfriend-girlfriend couple since their sophomore year of college five years before. While Alexis continued to pursue a job as a lawyer, Eric had shifted his focus from lawyer to detective after becoming interested in cold cases from the readings he had done for several of his classes. He now worked as a Uniform at the 5th Precinct in the Little Italy area. The next year he was expecting a promotion to detective and working primarily with cold cases.

Alexis spent the next three minutes gushing about the most romantic evening of her life. She had met him at the Precinct after a long day for the two of them. After changing, he had a taxi waiting outside for them. Instead of going to a little diner they usually did after long nights, he took her all the way across Manhattan to a coffee shop right outside of the NYU college where they had their first "friend-date."

They hadn't been there in years. Kate bit her lip when her stepdaughter continued. "So, we get to the door," her voice was gaining even more excitement over the phone. "And I noticed that all the lights were off. I mean, it's like 10:30 at night. They were probably closed. "But then he pulls out a key. We go inside and when he flips on the lights, the whole place was like a montage of … _us_."

Kate smiled, pressing her lips together. Eric had always been cheesy – cheesier than Rick, even taught him a thing or two. Kate didn't put it past him to have the sweets, cheesiest proposal ever.

"I mean, there are pictures of us scattered all over the tables and rose petals and poems we both loved." Alexis sighed wistfully. "It was so romantic. He sat me down, and then brought two cups of our favorite hot chocolate – the same drinks we got that first time. Then he gave me the ring.

"It was perfect, Kate."

Kate smiled, her eyes nearly closing from the stretch of her mouth. "I'm so happy for you, Lex," she chimed in. "Eric's a good guy. I approve."

They shared a giggle before Alexis said, "Don't tell dad. I'm going to surprise him tomorrow morning. But I had to tell my mom tonight. I was too excited to wait." Kate could feel the smile in Alexis's voice upon talking about her conversation with – obviously – Meredith before she called her.

Kate ignored the dropping of her stomach and replied, "Oh? I'm sure Meredith was ecstatic."

As the years passed, Meredith became less and less a part of Alexis's life. Alexis went out to California a few times since Kate and Rick got married but Meredith had only returned the favor once but appearing on the Castles' doorstep the week of her senior year finals three years before. Meredith hated Kate with a burning passion; at first, she teased Kate and wore a fake smile, gushing about what a great guy Rick was and how happy she should be to be with them, all the while, thinking they were going to break up. But when Meredith found out they were getting married, she had flew all the way across the country to have a screaming match with Rick while Kate tried not to use her gun for murderous purposes.

Alexis's breathy laugh brought Kate out of her thoughts. "I'm not talking about Meredith, Kate," she whispered with an all-knowing tone of voice. "I said I called my mom, not my mother."

_Oh_. Kate felt her stomach push its way up to her throat. "Oh, Lex," she mumbled, taken aback. Despite the first year of tentative glances and awkward conversations, Kate and Alexis were the best of friends now. They went shopping and shared coffee. Kate was Alexis's go-to for fashion advice and Alexis always had time to watch over her half-sibling(s) when Kate and Rick were caught up in their respective jobs.

But, through it all, Alexis had never called Kate her mother, not to mention her _mom_.

_Damn hormones_, she thought idly, brushing at her eyes. "Thank you, Alexis," she bubbled. "I'm so glad you told me first. It's an honor."

"Kate, I was always going to tell you first," Alexis's voice was serious. "You have been in my life longer than my own mother ever has. My mother never talked to me about my life, only her own. I went to you first when I lost my virginity" – yeah, Kate remembered, _that_ had been awkward – "and when I was stressed over graduate school. I even went to you first about moving out!" She giggled. "I was always going to tell you first."

"Thank you, Alexis," she repeated. "Really."

"No problem," she could hear the happiness just seeping out of Alexis.

They chatted briefly for the next few minutes about the pending wedding. Alexis and Eric hadn't talked about dates or anything, but Alexis dreamed about getting married in the summer at the Hamptons at the giant beach house, the same place Rick and Kate held their wedding.

The slow steps down the stairs brought her conversation to a halt. "Hey, Lex, I hear your dad," she whispered so he wouldn't eavesdrop. "I'll let you go. Come to the Precinct tomorrow after your case? We'll have coffee." Alexis confirmed that a resounding 'sure'! She hung up, the voice of her fiancé briefly heard in the background.

Kate rolled her eyes and tossed her phone on the coffee table just as Rick sat down next to her. The couch sunk in as he settled in and he wrapped an arm around Kate's back, pulling her in close. "Was that Alexis?" he asked as Kate rested her head on his shoulder.

"Yeah," she clipped, trying to come up with a fib. "She wanted my advice on her case tomorrow." That was good; she thought once again thought that living with the Castles had improved her story-telling abilities. She felt him nod against her temple.

"Did Zander fuss much?" she asked him, using their son's nickname equivalent to Johanna's _Anna_.

She moved so she was looking up at him. He met her eyes and smiled, his eyes tired but lovely. "Just a little but when a nice rocking and a song later he was out." Kate kissed his chin and then moved along his jawline. "Six weeks are up," he mentioned briefly as she reached his ear.

"That it is," she nibbled on his earlobe. A second's hesitation later, he had managed to flip her so he was lying on top of her. "Pushy, much?" she laughed as he captured her lips with his own.

"And you're not?" he retorted before delving back into the kiss.

Things got heated pretty quickly. Chastity had never been their strong suit but for the past six weeks they had managed to get through with just heated make-out sessions. She had some post-pregnancy problems and Dr. Schmidt wanted to make sure was fully healed before, _ahem_, more intimate actions were taken.

She arched her back and pressed herself into him, happy to finally _have_ him here with her. She pulled his t-shirt off as he messed with her pajama pants, trying desperately to pull them off. She felt the broad expanse of his chest while he ran his fingers along the inside of her thigh.

She gasped and moaned, the way she knew he liked it and he rocked himself against her hips. "I love you," he whispered between hot kisses to her neck and lips. She opened her eyes to stare at the ceiling, pulling at his sweat pants. He managed to get her shirt off before she completed her task.

"I love … you too," she grunted and he kicked his pants off.

With just their undergarments, they plunged into each other, tasting each other and licking, teasing, and biting.

Kate had never expected to be a mother of children when she met Rick Castle eight years before. She had never expected to even _meet_ Richard Castle, let alone bear his children. She never expected to get married – she wanted to, sure, but she didn't really expect it to happen. She never expected the late night Star Wars marathons or Harry Potter pop quizzes. She never expected breakfast in bed. She never expected sand castles, Santa Clause, and vacations to Paris.

She never expected becoming the inspiration of Richard Castle. She never expected for Alexis to go to her first with her problems, or to call her _mom_. She never expected showing Anna how to handcuff her father when he was being naughty. She never expected to look down at her son and think that he looked too much like his father for his own good.

Her mother never told her what it was like to be truly in love.

Johanna Beckett had _shown_ her daughter what true love was. When she danced around the kitchen with her husband; when she would chase little Kate down the beach with a water gun in hand; when she appeared her daughter, even after death with a memory or warm breeze when Kate needed it most. And Kate was experiencing that true love every single day living with the Castles – Rick, Alexis, Martha, Anna, and little Zander.

She never expected _this_.

But as she lay here, feeling Richard Castle kiss her and love her, Katherine Beckett knew there was no other place she would rather be. She had never been one to believe in destiny but here with him she could believe in all those things Rick did.

The shrill ringing brought them back to reality.

Rick groaned into her neck and Kate shook her head, trying to bring herself out of the lustful haze. Rick didn't release her but she reached out and grabbed her phone. Not bother with caller ID, she pressed her phone against her ear, thinking maybe it was Alexis, and announced, "Beckett."

"Yo, Beckett," Esposito's gruff voice replied. "Got a fresh one. Welcome back, boss."

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.<strong>

**And thus ends my first story on , "What My Mother Never Told Me." I hope the ending was satisfactory. I just want to thank you guys SO much for following this story, along with my Twitter and Tumblr. I hope you've had fun reading, like I have writing. It's been a blast. :)  
><strong>**I am finalizing my first chapter for my new story so look forward to that! If you follow me on Twitter or Tumblr, expect some sneak peeks. ;)**

_**Title**_**: Elektra  
><strong>_**Rating**_**: T+ (closer to 'M' than 'T')  
><strong>_**Description**_**: ****When he walked in to the 12****th**** Precinct, he expected dead bodies, trash cans, and paperwork. But what young Detective Richard Rodgers was not expecting, however, was his new partner, Detective Kate Beckett. Caskett/AU.**

**Thanks so much,  
><strong>**Lizzy**


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